It’s been 6 Months since my miscarriage… here’s what’s on my mind.
Today is International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, so I figured now is as good of a time as any to share some of the things I’ve been thinking about throughout the last 6 months since I had a miscarriage:
1. I’ve been shocked at what a relief it’s been to NOT have people ask me “so, when are you going to have kids??” If you’re someone who asks that question, be it to women you know or worse, to women you don’t, I urge you to stop. You have no idea what their fertility circumstances are, and frankly, it’s none of your business. If they want to confide in you, they will. Oh, and if a woman decides not to order a drink when you’re out, DON’T ASK HER IF IT’S BECAUSE SHE’S PREGNANT. If she is, is that really how you want to find out? By cornering her and demanding an answer? If she isn’t, you’ve just made the assumption that the only possible reason one might not drink is because they can’t. There are a million other reasons for not drinking, and pregnancy is only one.
2. It’s been amazing to have so many people (men and women) open up to me about their own miscarriage experiences. What’s shocking is how many people I know who have had one (or more) that I’d otherwise never know about. This has made me even more confident in my decision to share about it openly, as it shouldn’t be something anyone feels shame or guilt around. To each their own, but talking about it has helped me heal tremendously.
3. I’ve learned more about grief, depression, resilience, and growth in the last 6 months than in the previous 33 years combined. Unlike every other difficult time in my past, I didn’t avoid the grieving process, I walked right through the middle of it. Because of that, I was able to come out on the other side so much faster than ever before. That was the lowest low I’ve experienced so far, but the last few months have also been some of my happiest, so it reaffirms my belief that our capacity for sadness is equal to our capacity for joy.
4. It’s hard to not take notice of how far along in the pregnancy I’d be based on the pregnant women in my life who are due around the same time as I was. It doesn’t bring up feelings of sadness or envy, it’s just… weird. It’s like watching a marathon that you were disqualified from in mile 5 from the sidelines. You’re obviously happy for them and cheering them on, but it’s a strange feeling.
5. Hormones are complicated, infuriating, and straight-up rude. I gained 15lbs AFTER the miscarriage, and I’m still trying to shed it. I’ve learned so much about how our bodies react physically to stress, grief, and depression, and what blows my mind is there’s so much we don’t know about the female body. This isn’t a “workout more, eat less” fix, not when hormones are involved. If only that were the case.
Sending love to all the people who have gone through a pregnancy or infant loss, and gratitude to all of the people who have offered hugs, love, food, a listening ear, and support throughout the last 6 months since I joined the miscarriage club. I’m forever grateful to have had this experience.
Baily Hancock is a Collaboration Consultant who empowers female entrepreneurs to gain credibility through collaboration and grow their business with partnerships. Through her 1:1 consulting, group programs, podcast, and speaking gigs, Baily teaches people to collaborate with their community to achieve their goals.
