Happy _______ to you!
Why Your Birthday(or whatever you want it to be) is Special
Birthdays are great. There’s cards, breakfasts, gifts, lunches, presents, and dinners. If there’s anything I like in this world it’s getting praise for something I haven’t put much effort into. Like not dying.
That got me thinking about the day. Why is today special? What happens today? What happened today? What will happen today?
This is what will happen today:
1) A dust bunny will get swept up.
2) A box of tissues is called “Kleenex”
3) Someone asks for Pepsi, they get Coke.
4) A toilet is flushed twice to avoid smell.
5) A match burns for 0.9 seconds.
6) Someone tries to pay with a $50 bill and gets rejected.
7) A text is sent and read and replied to.
8) A bead of sweat rolls from a taint to a thigh.
9) Someone asks for sex, they get head.
10) A porn star makes $5000.
11) A married man loves his wife. And girlfriend.
12) Someone runs a green light.
13) A stripper has lasagna for dinner.
14) Someone lies about flossing.
15) A pineapple is cut into pieces and placed on top of a pizza.
16) Gas from a nozzle spills onto an index finger.
17) A chicken is tasered.
18) Someone fakes a laugh.
19) A Facebook status is liked without being read.
20) A plane is delayed.
21) Liam Neeson says he will find you and kill you.
22) A meme is stolen.
23) A driver spends 6 minutes parallel parking.
24) A phone vibrates.
25) An eraser shaving lays on a table.
26) Anne Frank is captured.
27) Obama is born.
28) I’m born.
29) An awkward conversation is had with a barber.
30) A name is misspelled.
Today is special. I share it with so many great things.
Anthony Jauregui, 23
Half Bad Ass Half Phony