Long Story Short

Anthony Jauregui
Nov 8, 2016 · 2 min read

How to properly use the phrase “Long Story Short…”


I’m really infatuated with this woman I met online. She’s incredibly gorgeous, likes The Strokes, and if the photos of her online are in fact her, she enjoys eating Lasagna with her dog, Sock.

I know, it’s kinda weird. Who capitalizes the “L” in lasagna mid sentence, that doesn’t need to be capitalized, does it? Lemme check.

Okay, so turns out because its not a proper noun, we don’t really need to capitalize it, it’s mostly for aesthetic.

Oh shit, I forgot to include an apostrophe in the last sentence. Lemme fix that.

Here we go: Okay, so turns out because it’s not a proper noun, we don’t really need to capitalize, it’s mostly for aesthetic.

Phew, now that that’s out of the picture, let me tell you about her and her dog, Sock.

Apparently she calls her dog Sock because it has a hole on its rear right paw.

Crazy, right?

I once had a hole in my right foot, only for a second though. I stepped on a nail, shit was bleeding everywhere.

Any who, long story short, she calls her dog Sock because she shoves his hole-y paw into her pussy every Tuesday night.

Crazy, right?


I met this chick online and I’m kinda digging her like a dog paw does to a garden. She kinda scares me though.


Long story short, she shoves her dog’s paw into her pussy sometimes.

Crazy, right?

Anthony Jauregui, 23


Half Bad Ass Half Phony

Written by

Give me a word and I'll make up a story. Yes, and...

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