Objective Perceptionality

The Day My Eyes said: “FUCK YOU”

I woke up this morning and everything was.

The mold under my desk was still rotting away a wall outlet. Taco Bell shredded cheese I shook off onto the hard wood floor wilted into yellow-orange crystals. Dust bunnies had fucked their way into the crevices between my bed frame and back board.

I didn’t see any of this though. My eyes were gone, and I wasn’t going to let a pair of runaway eyes ruin my day of errands.

I decided to try living life without eyes and here’s what happened:

1) I got dressed. Not sure if I matched. I was always so concerned about matching.

2) I washed my face. My clogged hair follicles formed whiteheads. I didn’t see them, I felt them. But I didn’t have any eyes, so fuck it.

3) I made coffee. That was fine.

4) I got in my car. Checked my mirrors, buckled up, and turned on the radio.

5) I switched from P to D instead of P to R and drove into the fence in front of me.

I can’t live objectively.

Anthony Jauregui, 23

Bamphony

Half Bad Ass Half Phony