Nobody wants to sit on a piss droplet.
Nobody wants a biased comment on a piece of their work.
Nobody wants to open a Poptart and find zero filling.
Nobody wants to eat the bruise on a banana.
Nobody wants to feel peach fuzz on the upper lip of someone you’re kissing.
Nobody wants a “read at 12:46pm” text.
Nobody wants a watered down iced coffee.
Nobody wants the ass end of a loaf of bread.
Nobody wants to be told they’re ugly.
Nobody wants to read medium posts riddled with self-deprecation.
Nobody wants any of these, but we need them.
We need to feel piss droplets on our ass so we check the seat before we sit next time.
We need to hear biased comments on our work so we build false egos.
We need to find a Poptart with zero filling so we learn to appreciate the fillings we do have.
We need to eat the bruises on bananas because they’re soft and brown and need love too.
We need to feel the peach fuzz on an upper lip to prove we are not kissing a mannequin.
We need to be ignored through text to improve productivity.
We need watered down coffee to avoid caffeine addiction and diarrhea.
We need the ass end of a loaf of bread because we need the ugly to hold it together for the rest of the loaf.
We need to be told we’re ugly because beautiful people suck.
We actually don’t need to read medium posts riddled with self deprecation because they’re depressing and a defense mechanism used to get attention. At least that’s what they are for me.
Anthony Jauregui, 22
Half Bad Ass Half Phony