How Much Could Facebook Zuck You Over?

By Barnaby Duff

Have you ever read the Facebook disclaimer? Basically if Mark Zuckerberg ever asks to borrow a fiver, you say yes because that guy’s got more dirt on you than there’s stink on a monkey. When his franchise inevitably starts to go belly up he’ll be banging at your door holding up your prom pictures screaming for help and you’ll have to help him (why did I wear an all-white suit?).

You should all know the story of how Facebook started up, but if you don’t, here’s the rundown: back in 2004 Zuckerberg, Justin Timberlake and that guy who played Spiderman weren’t getting laid at university because they were super nerdy, so decided to set up a social networking site to trick women into having sex with them; the motivation behind most virtual ventures. Almost 10 years later there are over 1100 million active Facebook users. And that figure is still growing by a monthly rate of 1 per cent. Even your best friend’s dog is on Facebook. Your profile has become a representative of who you are, what you do and what you’re looking for and owning this kind of information makes you a very rich and very powerful person. They can measure trends, who’s popular and whose profile you look at the most; they know what you did last summer, the one before that, what you’ve got planned for next summer, for next week ; what you had for dinner (although we all wish we didn’t know — stupid Instagram), who you’ve got a crush on and how big your willy is.

Mark Zuckerberg could be the biggest two-faced biatch the world has ever seen if he wanted to or he could be the biggest grass. In 2011, Facebook and Twitter were used as tools for the police for riot monitoring. So be careful kids, it’s all in writing. There are rumours Faceyb can track websites you visit after you’ve been on the site, and come on, who doesn’t check Facebook first?

But how long will the Facebook phenomenon last? Although membership is still on the rise, reports from the U.S show that users are beginning to abandon the social platform in favour of other sites with a drop in 10 million users since last year. Sites like LinkedIn which offer much more of a professional aspect to networking and Twitter which asks for a lot less commitment and personal information. Considering dead fads like the infamous, juvenile Bebo, Facebook has done amazingly to adapt and be top blog for a decade. One thing’s for sure though, people like social networking and it is sure to evolve.

In 2004, Zuckerberg, Timberlake and Spiderman all got it on and gave birth to virtual life; a corresponding timeline of events, statuses, memes and groups that altogether built us a social C.V. However much we fear what this huge gathering of information could mean for the future, there’s no doubt that Facebook has brought us together. Helped us keep in touch with old distant friends, showed people sides of ourselves they hadn’t seen before, disgraced us in front of our bosses and got us fired from jobs we obviously didn’t like. But I’ll tell you one thing, I still wouldn’t ‘untag’ myself from the pictures of Noushie’s New Year party 2011.

One clap, two clap, three clap, forty?

By clapping more or less, you can signal to us which stories really stand out.