I’m Fat, I’m Depressed & It’s time for change!
About 9 months ago I was laid off from Microsoft after a 15 year prestigious career in Software Development and started doing YouTube full time. The channel has been growing expoentially and my following on social networks like Instagram, Twitter and Facebook couldn’t be better. But I still felt worthless, I still felt like I was a complete failure and alone. I finally hit rock bottom after not making a video for a week. I reached out to some friends and told them about how I felt and what I was going through. I had to force it because I felt like they wouldn’t care, or they would some how condemn me for being depressed and not understand. But that is what depression does, it lies to you; it convinces you that you’re worthless and other people don’t and shouldn’t care about you and it makes you feel empty, alone and afraid.
After forcing myself to talk to my wife and closest friends about it I decided the only way I’m going to improve is if I face all my demons and do it in a way that it’s public and highly visible to my future self. I decided to make the below YouTube video talk about my experience in detail and how depression effects me and ultimately accept that some of the things I’ve been defending all this time turned out to be my worst enemies (weight).
I received a ton of feedback on the video and people were really inspired so I decided to do this little blog entry (I’m normally a video and social media only kind of guy) and I hope that this video reaches more people that can it can help. You’re not alone and nothing will come easy but change is possible and many times necessary to start to pull out of depression or at the very least improve it. The first step is awknoldging that you’re going to lie to yourself and start contridicting those lies to help you start digging your way out. It’s a long journey and your milage may vary but doing nothing will ultimately lead to you spiraling out of control and that is exactly where I was headed and confident I would be if I hadn’t forced some change.
If you read this come tell me, I’m @Barnacules on Twitter!