How I Met My Wife

BarryPiatoff
Aug 25, 2017 · 8 min read
Carla and me in the late 1980s when we got married

“The odds of me getting married are about the same as The Beach Boys having another #1 single in America” — Barry Piatoff, May 5, 1975.

When people meet my wife Carla and me, they ask how we got together. After all, she’s from Holland and I’ve spent all but the first year of my life in New York. Well, here’s the story and I could not have done it without the music of The Beach Boys.

I grew up in the 1960s and 1970s as a big Beach Boys fan. Today that statement is as controversial as saying you like watching football on television, playing with cute puppies and enjoy celebrating the 4th of July. But back then you were revealing something about yourself. Sometimes the group was wildly popular for their hit singles or their cutting-edge music or very unpopular for being an old-fashioned surfing band. By 1981, as the group celebrated their 20th anniversary, they were in a good place. Brian Wilson, Mike Love, Carl Wilson, Dennis Wilson, Al Jardine and Bruce Johnston were still together and were still putting out albums on a semi-regular basis. While their best days were probably behind them, there was always the chance they could catch lightning in a bottle and have another big hit.

Typing a letter to Carla in 1982

Today with the Internet, there are thousands of groups and social networks with members of similar interest. In 1981 this was not quite as common. Still, at the time, there was a network of Beach Boys fans. One organization, called BBFUN, published a quarterly newsletter, I put my name on a pen pal listing. I always enjoyed getting (non-e)mail. Deep down I was hoping that some beautiful woman from the New York City metropolitan area would write to me, we would fall in love, get married and live happily ever after.

Instead a young woman, named Carla, from a town called Den Helder in Northwest Holland wrote to me on December 4, 1981. It was a sweet, simple letter, a page and a half long. She seemed nice, intelligent and had a dog named Snuffel. How could anyone with a dog named Snuffel not be a friendly person? So I wrote back to Carla to tell her about myself. I nearly blew it right away by telling Carla that I was an expert on The Beach Boys. She later told me she found that a bit arrogant. But I felt if I was going to take the time to write, I was going to be honest. I have stated that my online profile is my life minus anything bad that ever happened to me. This was going to be the good stuff and the bad stuff.

By early 1982, I realized we had a lot in common and a great chemistry between us. But the idea of a relationship seemed so far-fetched, that I never really considered it. I had just flown for the first time (since I moved at age one from Oklahoma City to New York) because I had to go to a seminar for work in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. Carla was still going to college and while she had been on the trains of Europe, she had never flown. So thoughts of getting on a plane to see each other’s country were sort of like me thinking of visiting Mars this Christmas.

We kept sending letters. It took about 3 weeks between each correspondence. No e-mails back in the pre-historic 1980s. By June, 1982 I started sending Carla cassette tapes, in addition to my letters. I played songs and made lots of jokes (at least the jokes were funny to me at that time). Carla occasionally sent me tapes also. On our birthdays we would call each other up. I took it as a very positive sign that Carla had given me her correct telephone number, as opposed to other women I had met at the time . On July 6, 1984 Carla’s friend Velma (and Velma’s friend Caroline) surprised me by calling me out of the blue, at work, telling me she had a present from Carla. We met in midtown Manhattan after work, and she gave me a traditional “delft blue” from Holland and after a couple of awkward moments, I asked, “do you want to go to dinner” and we did and had a great time at an Irish pub. This whole experience of knowing Carla was fun!

Meeting Carla’s friend Velma on July 6, 1984

From July 1-August 12, 1986, Carla came with her girlfriend Ellen on a six week North American vacation. They would begin and end their vacation in New York City. I did not specifically think this was my big chance with her and it was not love at first sight when we met at my office on 48th Street and Madison Avenue in Manhattan at about 6:30PM on July 2nd. The problems we had meeting, at a very convenient location, would make for a great blog post, or part of a movie, but maybe some other time. We stayed at my apartment and enjoyed the 4th of July weekend together. I played tour guide walking them all over Manhattan, seeing the sites, the museums and eating at some great places like Palm Court at the Plaza Hotel when there was only a $5 minimum. Carla & Ellen left the morning of July 8th to go to Philadelphia, Washington DC, the Poconos, Toronto, Kitchener, Buffalo before meeting me early at my office, this time with less fanfare, the morning of August 11th to get my keys. When I got home, I noticed the door was unlocked. When I pointed out they forgot to lock the door, Ellen said they didn’t need to lock the door because “we’re here.” I explained this was New York, and you locked the door, double locked the door, then hoped nobody broke in!

Carla and me in front of Macy’s in Manhattan on August 12, 1986
Carla, me and Ellen in the summer of 1986

But when I took them back to the airport on August 12th, I suddenly realized how much I was in love with Carla and that she was the one for me! It would be another ten months until I flew into Holland on June 12, 1987, and met Carla’s family and friends, though mainly we explored Holland together . I had gotten more confidence traveling in the 1980s but this was my first time flying overseas. I had boundless energy during the day and fell asleep when my head hit the pillow around midnight. In addition to Carla’s home of Den Helder, where I had the world’s best ice cream at Laan and my first Irish Coffee at Lands End, we saw Amsterdam, Rotterdam, Den Haag, went to Belgium and saw Brussels and it was the best week of my life. I saw things I never seen before and fell more in love with Carla.

In front of a Dutch street organ in Amsterdam on June 13, 1987
Carla and me at Ellen’s house on June 18, 1987.

Carla came to New York from July 27-August 24th in 1987. Four weeks was by far the longest time we had been together. My parents said if things weren’t working out I could stay with them. I told them, “Gee, other guys have problems with their girlfriends and they go out with other women. Me? I’m invited to spend time with my parents.” But we had an amazing time. We saw a couple of special concerts; we saw “our group” The Beach Boys at Jones Beach on July 30th. Joining them for their first encore were The Fat Boys, to sing their current collaborative hit together “Wipe Out.” On August 20th at the Pier on the west side of Manhattan we saw a great double bill; The Monkees and Weird Al Yankovic! I was on vacation from work August 15–24 and it was so hard to say goodbye to Carla this time. But Carla came back from December 12-January 2 and on December 18, after an episode of Dallas, we got engaged! The night before Carla went back to Holland, we saw The Turtles do their amazing night club show at The Bottom Line. I was living my dream!

Carla, her dog Snuffel and me in her hometown of Den Helder

On May 1, 1988 I arrived in Holland for the second time, spent a week there, and for the first time was somewhere besides New York on my birthday. A great memory; Carla had rented The Dolly Dots (the real inspiration for The Spice Girls) movie “Dutch Treat” (the real inspiration for the “Spice World” movie) which we watched when we arrived at her home. The movie was so funny and I loved it! Thankfully, the immigration process went according to plan. Carla moved to New York on August 2, 1988 and on August 25, 1988 we got married! What seemed impossible had now happened-I was married to a wonderful woman! We had only spent 10 weeks together by the time Carla moved here and 13 weeks together when we got married. On this August 25, 2019, we will be married for 31 years!

And just, if not more incredible, my 1975 quote turned out to be true-on October 30, 1988 Billboard Magazine announced that The Beach Boys had the #1 single in America with “Kokomo.” It wasn’t their best song. Sometimes it makes “The 50 Worst Songs of All-Time” list and Brian Wilson wasn’t even involved with the recording of the song. But by golly The Beach Boys had caught lightning in a bottle and the odds of me getting married were the same as The Beach Boys having another #1 single!

On our 25th anniversary in Paris on August 25, 2013
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BarryPiatoff

Written by

Proud husband of Carla (from The Netherlands) and owner of The Pepper Dog. My social media’s mostly about NY Yankees, Eurovision, politics, travel, music.

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