Leaving Religion, the World and Following Jesus

Joel
Joel
Aug 23, 2017 · 5 min read

I grew up in church my whole life. Every single Sunday, my dad would make sure my brother and I were dressed formal. Although I didn’t have a problem with it as a kid, it was during my teenage years that I began to despise this whole church thing. I was forced to dress nice, “look right”, read my bible, go to Sunday school, and do all of these religious things, only to be judged again and again of any shortcomings I had by so called “Christians”. I felt like an object, like my feelings didn’t matter, living trapped and although I looked right and good on the outside, on the inside my heart was full of hurt, anger, hate, frustration, etc. There was no way I could escape it, after all, I did have like 3 other uncle’s who were and still are Pastors. Furthermore, my mom would pressure me into getting baptized, only because I was already at an age where I should know right from wrong (my older sister and brother were already baptized) and I guess…to receive to some sort of affirmation…anyways, I still said no. I didn’t want anything to do with church if it mean’t that I would become like the people in church (angry, bitter, upset, judgmental, etc). Despite all of this, I wasn’t upset or angry with God. Occasionally, I would pray, but I found myself (with tears) many times asking this question to God, “Is there ever a time when I will do this because I want to myself or not? I never really got a response back, so I just continued life.

It wasn’t until I was 16 that I can say I finally experienced Jesus. Since I was a kid, every year I would go to a Hispanic Church of Christ Convention, it was in a different city every single year for 2 and a half days. That year it was somewhere around the Los Angeles area, well on the last day I actually found myself crying in my seat (that was a first), I had felt a love and a peace I had never experienced before. Even after it had ended, I went out to eat with my family and I found myself without an appetite, going to the restroom and washing my face just cause the tears kept on coming. Also I had found myself singing/whispering “you are my everything and I will adore you.” I admit though, I decided to ignore the whole experience because I thought it was only a phase, an emotional moment, nothing more. I assumed that I when I would return home, everything would be the same… It wasn’t.

I couldn’t let go of the experience, I tried denying it, and ignoring it, however it felt like it was just there, like God wanting to pursue me. I had been wrestling (in denial) with it for about a month now. One Saturday night, I found myself telling God “If this is really you, then show me a sign…something.” Next Sunday morning at church I can say that He really did, a small one. Anyways, I had gone over to the Pastor, and told him that God was dealing with me. He asked me several questions and then I just broke down crying…He had asked me if I wanted to get baptized and I nodded yes. So after the service, I came to the front and confess in front of the church that I wanted Jesus as Lord and Savior. Then I was baptized. (This all happened right at the beginning of my junior year, 2009). Now I knew at least I could say, was that I was saved.


During my senior year is when I ran into problems. I had this mindset of “well it’s my last year, I have to make it fun.” For the most part that included just skateboarding, but with that I found myself around people I wanted to be like, even though I knew they were not Christian. I started drinking alcohol and getting drunk for the sake of its relaxing effects, it felt good, but not good enough to truly satisfy. Eventually, I graduated high school and of course partied, but still felt unsatisfied. Skateboarding itself wasn’t doing it and neither alcohol, if anything waking up hungover and staying like that for the whole day was not cool at all, I felt even worse, physically and emotionally. I still had anger issues, depression, feelings of loneliness, etc. Nothing was working, good or bad.

Eventually I found myself crying out to God again “Get me out of this! I don’t want it anymore.” I was a Christian, however I wasn’t living like it, certainly didn’t feel like it. Anyways, I found myself going to the convention again, around the same time every year with my family. Honestly, I had only gone just to get out of town and relax a bit. This time it was in Indianapolis (July 2011). Once again God had touched me. During worship, was when I experienced His presence and just remembered how great his love for me felt, it was so satisfying (I wasn’t at the altar neither did I have people praying over me, I was about 6 rows back, shaking and weeping). I told God I wouldn’t return to my former lifestyle. I was determined not to go back to my old ways. Well anyways a month later, I found myself sipping some alcohol at one of my friends birthday parties. I felt guilty and upset with myself. Later on that night, when I had left the party, I poured myself out to God in my room and became very intentional about pursuing Jesus. I was determined not to return to bad habits, so I decided to take on the initiative of reading and studying my Bible. About 2–3 hours a night for the first semester of college. In that process, I began to experience growth and power in my life to help me walk like Jesus walked. I noticed that certain temptations did not have the power as they had before. I eventually started praying after I read a book on the importance of prayer. I was experiencing victory over the Devil, the world and my flesh and it all started from a place of devotion.

That was about 6 years ago, just about the same time I am writing this. I can say it has been a journey of hardships and struggles, but I wouldn’t it trade for anything, because on the other end is joy and peace unexplainable.

James says “Come close to God, and God will come close to you.” (4:8, NLT)

You only get to as close to God as you want to, so it’s really a question of “do you want Jesus? And if so, how much do you want Him? If you only want half- then you’ll only get religion and hypocrisy (something I use to be), but if want all of Him and are willing to let go, then prepare for a radical transformation in your life! Jesus gave it all for us, it’s time we start doing the same!

“Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him” (Hebrews 11:6, NLT)

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Joel

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Joel

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