Why It’s Still Impossible to Let Go

Chances are, you've been there. After celebrating your new-found freedom for 2–3 days, you lie awake in your bed, staring at the ceiling, with a heavy weight on your empty chest.

A month later, you’re still doing the same thing every night, dwelling on the hollowness in the place where your heart should be, and sometimes, even allow a few teardrops to fall.

Today, we’re going to try to break it down to why, so we can work on how.

In no particular order,

S/He’s everywhere

They are in on the street, the ghost of their memories forever lingering underneath the street light. They are on your desk, their photo standing invisible on the spot where it once had been. They are in your favorite drink, your favorite movie, your favorite book. You would be standing in the way of a breeze and suddenly, you would smell a whiff of them. Heck, they could be in the smell of cinnamon and Christmas. They are everywhere; everything reminds you of them.

The fuzzy feeling of being wanted

Let’s take a moment and be honest here, who doesn't want to be wanted? S/He was the one who gave you that attention — the way they looked at you as if they laid eyes on the most fragile, beautiful sculpture, taking you into their soul. The way their voice wrapped around you, little tendrils of vibrations stroking your skin, coaxing, comforting, searching. Most of all, the feeling of running, while they ran behind you, eager and almost desperate to wrap you in their posession.

Dependence

If you had been together a long time, this is perhaps the most prominent reason of them all. Once, you had someone with whom errands could be shared. Now, you are stuck doing everything yourself, alone. As a letter falls out of your overstuffed letter bag, the gently crumpling of paper echoes your wishes for them to be here. The child’s cries and tinkle of dishes in the sink shakes you and makes you doubt your decision.

Loneliness

Before the breakup, there was always someone who was right within reach. There was always that one person who you think of when you see a double rainbow or a cute cat gif. Someone was always there to coddle you, cuddle you, taking away the loneliness kiss by kiss, hug by hug. Now, it’s only you. There are friends and family, sure, but it’s just not the same, is it?

What others have I missed? Do you feel any of this is accurate at all? Drop me a note, I am more than happy to receive feedback.

May we one day soon be able to do what we know we must.