A little something men need to learn about women…

Us women are fickle folk. We say we want one thing when really we want something else. We will go into moods for no apparent reason. We will analyse every single detail of something. If you say ONE bad thing about us, we will forever feel insecure about that particular trait.

There’s no use trying to understand us, because, quite frankly, we don’t even understand ourselves. And if you’re a woman who has completely got her shit together, always 100% cool, calm and collected, I tip my hat to you, as the Lord knows I haven’t.

So here are some things for the male species to bear in mind when it comes to women:

1. We will, at some point in the month, want to yell at you over something stupid.

This doesn’t necessarily have to be our Time of the Month either, although usually it’s at this time or round-about. Our hormones are all over the place, and for many women that’s not just during the week of our periods, but the week leading up to it too. We will get upset over something ridiculous. I once started crying because I didn’t get the last slice of cake in the fridge. I shit you not. Prepare for tears, or yelling, or us throwing something, because there’s a very high chance of it happening and it will usually be for a completely absurd reason.

2. We over-analyse everything.

Okay, maybe I’m just generalising here, but for the majority of us females, we do. You like a girl’s status who you told us before had the hots for you, we WILL worry that you secretly find her attractive. You say you’re “fed up”, we will think it’s because of us. You send a couple less “x’s”, we’ll wonder what we’ve done wrong. I’ve often been told men are simple folk who pretty much just say what they think, but unfortunately, many women aren’t.

3. We are prone to complaining about our weight yet continue to eat shit-loads of junk food.

This intensifies during the Time of the Month, although for me it’s a never-ending cycle. Yet again, I’m generalising, but I’ve seen it so many times that I had to include it. You may think we’re fine the way we are, but we definitely don’t. A dress makes our hips look huge? We want to cry (and maybe will actually cry), say we’re the size of a hippo, then stuff our face with chocolate in sorrow.

4. When we say “It doesn’t matter”, 9/10 it does matter.

We are tired, we just want to relax in a bubble bath with a good book and a glass of wine, not be arguing with you about something silly. So even though you have pissed us off to the extreme, we cannot be bothered to continue the argument, and will inevitably comment “It doesn’t matter”, to which you will sigh in relief, and we will secretly seethe in the bathroom and attempt to forget about it (usually unsuccessfully).

5. We may not always wear our heart on our sleeves, but really our heart is the size of Jupiter and the only reason we don’t shout about our feelings from the rooftops is because of fear of getting hurt.

Have you ever seen Frozen? You know how Elsa shuts everyone out? Yup, that is how a lot of women are. But instead of fear of hurting other people, it’s usually fear of getting hurt ourselves. Usually, it’s the people who hide their feelings the most who actually feel the most. We may not show it 24/7, but really we do care a huge amount. So please don’t play the “you don’t care about me” card.

6. Women are badass.

Seriously. We bleed every month, have to deal with our hormones going into haywire, and we manage to get through it without stabbing a pillow fifty times. Many of us have to take contraception, with can further fuck around with our hormones, not to mention make us appear bloated, or in some cases give us spots, and some contraception can mess up our periods, but still, we carry on. We have to carry a frickin’ MINI HUMAN in us for nine months if we wish at some point, and then push it out of us. That takes some strength both physically and mentally. I have never given birth and quite frankly the thought of it terrifies me, but to all the mothers out there, you’re awesome, well done.

So there you go, guys, females. We may confuse you, but don’t worry, we confuse ourselves too.

DISCLAIMER: I did not meant to cause any offence with this article. This is purely light-hearted, and not a reflection of every member of the female gender. I realise that everyone is different, and that’s what makes this world so beautiful. This was simply written for as a humorous piece for those females who can relate to it.