Why Eating Disorders are not real…

There is an epidemic of eating disorders in today’s modern society.

Most people relate eating disorders only with the strive of young women to be as thin as possible at all costs — i.e. anorexia. However, there is no much more to eating disorders and even to anorexia itself. First of, anorexia is not only about being skinny. It might be about feeling small, invisible and unworthy. Eating disorders come in all shapes — thin, fat, obese, fit, chubby… Their nature is unique with every individual. They invoke different behaviours — starving, purging, binging, over-exercising, gorging, supplementing, etc. They affect all sorts of people — male, female, kids, seniors, teenagers. The scariest thing is that the modern society has such twisted eating habits that some people don’t even realise that they have a dangerous relationship with food.

Food has become a way of entertainment, of socialising, of rewarding ourselves. It is no more about fuelling our bodies. We are overwhelmed by choices; we eat for the sake of taste, and we forgot the notion of simple foods. We choose what to eat rather than eating what’s available. People eat in a certain way to achieve a particular body shape — to get skinny or to get massive muscles. Either way, they do it at all costs — starving or stuffing themselves. In either way, the effect on their health is just too decremental. Food and its quality are so important to our bodies. It is the building material for our cells. It is the fuel for our bodily processes. And yet we disregard all of it.

I have seen it all — eating for pleasure, eating for comfort, eating for entertainment, eating out of social pressure, eating on a diet, reaching calorie goals, counting macronutrients. I know all about all the diets out there. In three years I my weight ranged from 70 to 41 kg up and down. I have starved myself, and I have eaten my way out of the toughest times in my life. I was a chocolate addict once (and I still do like my homemade chocolate). For my 178cm 70 kg is not obese but is not very fit as well. And the way I ate to reach that weight made me miserable, tired, anxious, made my skin horrible and caused me a lot of stomach pain. But it was fun for about 30 mins at every meal. For my 178cm 41kg was nearly deadly. The way I looked back then would have made me a great candidate for a horror movie. I had to spend three months of stuffing myself called “feeding” or … I can’t remember the exact treatment term. Anyway, I was skinny but again miserable as hell. Or not. I barely remember anything of those horrible six months of my life. Apart from being dizzy quite often. And not realising how I look. And obviously being desperately lonely as there was nobody around me who loved me enough to kick my silly ass into recovery (which is exactly what happened when I got back home to my family and best friends).

Anyway, enough of random rants.

The point that I want to make is that although all the things I have described above are quite real, and I have experienced them there is no such thing as eating disorders. The definition from Wikipedia is any of a range of psychological disorders characterized by abnormal or disturbed eating habits (such as anorexia nervosa). Yes, you read that correctly — psychological. So, people claim that whenever you eat or do not eat destructively, it is a reflection of some trauma or mental disorder or something. However, if you have already recovered or if you came across the book “Brain over Binge” you are most likely aware that psychological traumas and tough childhood are not what makes a person suffer from an ED. Yes, sad things can push you into bad habits. However, the way it is interpreted by wellness experts or shrinks makes matters so much worse! People tell you — you have a lot on your head you deserve a treat — and you go to binge. And then you feel bad, or you mess up your health, and they tell you — “Oh poor you, you haven’t had a functional family, so you need to feel nourished through food.” So, you did something quite illogical for your wellbeing, and you get a pretty descent excuse for it. However, these traumas and bad things won’t go away by eating, but rather than treating them you define yourself of some disordered eater and orient all of your energy to healing that. But it doesn’t go away because you have an excuse to do it.

Here is the truth — it is not an eating disorder, it is not a psychological issue — it is an addiction. It is the addiction to food which makes you feel good, and you overeat (a simple chemical reaction which is very normal given that most modern foods contain all elements from the periodic table in them), or you are addicted to looking good enough to disregard your natural human urges. In both cases, it is a pure chemistry. Your brain is messed up from being malnourished from the correct nutrients and plays with you. But at the end of the day getting over it is your choice. The only way to do it is to eat good food, to nourish your body with nutrients, not calories, to feed yourself in the way every human being is supposed to be fed (definitely not with things produces in a laboratory) and to get over yourself. It is not about the dramas in your life. They won’t be healed by food. If you have the perfect shape, it won’t do you any good if you are dying inside.

There are a lot of mental disorders, but eating disorders are just symptoms not one by themselves.

I have some good news, though. If you manage to break the cycle just once, you can get better. Just sit down, put some good, rational thinking into what’s happening and realise — it is just food. It can be the thing that destroys you or the thing that makes you a healthy, vibrant and beautiful badass. If you have been through any kind of eating disorder, you will certainly agree that it is a full-time job but rather than making any money it takes up all the money you make. If you just choose to put all your strength just once into not doing what you would normally do if you were to binge or purge, then you will see how easy it is to just not do it. Then, you will stop it quite easily. What is more, because you already have so much experience with weird eating habits you will quite easily get into eating freaking healthy. And you will be one step closer to your best self. And because you overcame such a hurdle you will feel like you possess some superpower. I will go even further to say that excusing your addiction or whining with an eating disorder is quite selfish. I cannot find enough words to describe the pain I saw on my parent’s faces when they saw the “skinny” me. And I cannot justify the amounts of money I spent on food which I did not need or bought and then threw away only because I was stuffed to dead.

If you wonder what happened to me, after all, I am now anywhere between 50 -55 kg. My weight is not yet stable and sometimes I still struggle. However, it is the first time in my life I don’t eat to get at a particular weight; I eat to feel the best, to stay away from stomach pain, kidney problems, and fatigue. I am doing lots of yoga, I run like a freak, I train for a triathlon, and I eat for performance. I enjoy simple foods. I am a vegan, but not for like a vegan activist. I am a plant — based, whole foods eater who deeply cares about the environment and is terrified by the health and the food industry. I am all about nourishing my body and brain. Sometimes, I get into old habits — I tend to undereat then I get furiously hungry. But I know it is irrational, and it is just my animal nature trying to keep me alive. So, I stuff myself with nourishing healthy foods, and I keep being awesome. And you can too.