Dangerous Levity: “OK IDC”

When I first learned of the latest case of pedophilia that’s reached national consciousness, it was via a tweet which, along with a link to the news story, condemned the flippant, irresponsible jokes made by many on the social media site. What people apparently found “funny” and “legendary” is the 11-year-old’s response to his 21-year-old female karate instructor when she allegedly sent him illicit photos and overtly solicited sex from the child: “OK IDC”.

In a world of obtuse excuses, one might suggest that people focusing in on the child’s use of the shorthand response is a misguided attempt to cope with such a shocking and disheartening story. But would people feel the need to point to this comic relief were the genders reversed? Would that response be considered “legendary” or simply a reminder of the maturity level and innocence of the child being targeted? Would the story really even be all that shocking? When stories of female pedophiles find their way into public discourse, the response is always the same: people (largely men) offering ‘at-a-boy’s and expressing longing that they too could have been presented with a similar set of circumstances as a child. Imagine what message that sends to children watching and listening…to hear an adult wish for the experience of having their body — and their childhood — violated. Meanwhile, we corroborate this absurd and disturbing response with our collective silence, or nervous giggles at-best peppered with disingenuous ‘aww that’s not funny’s.

Our society’s light-hearted approach to female perpetrators of sexual abuse of children, including the old “men can’t be raped” myth, carries with it the implication that women don’t have enough power (both literally and metaphorically) to inflict irreparable harm. It falsely categorizes every woman as a nurturing soul incapable of ill-will or maltreatment; stereotypes and myths that perpetuate abuse by reinforcing the blind eyes that turn to dismiss or overlook signs of abuse. It also carries with it a message to those abused, holding them responsible for their own abuse and removing any shred of remaining power (because what kind of weakling would allow themselves to be victimized by a woman!) …which, in turn, suggests they are unworthy of protection or justice — so why bother telling anyone? In fact, we don’t even label the situations properly such that “abuse”, “rape”, and related terms are reserved for dark alleys, basements, white vans, and strangers. And men*. We’re teaching our children that abuse, at worst, is not a big deal and, at best, is humorous and something to be desired.

So, we really shouldn’t find the young boy’s response shocking at all. After all, he’s simply parroting what we’ve been telling our kids all along: OK. I don’t care.