The Farmer’s Wife
There was a farmer. He was worried about his crops as they were experiencing a severe drought. It occurred to him to walk into town and buy something that day. He didn’t know what he needed to buy, he just knew he needed to walk into town to buy it. So, he walked into town and started walking through all the shops, but nothing caught his eye. Then he spotted a tiny little shop surrounded by huge brand name outlets and he stepped inside. There, sitting on the only table in the store, were three items and one of them stood out. Without hesitation, he bought the item and strode out of the store. When he got home, his wife was upset with his purchase. “What the fuck is this? What a waste of money”. But the farmer said, “I know this is going to help us, I just don’t know when”.
“A fucking waste of money”.
The following week, a hurricane was heading the way of the farm from the south. From the north, a tornado was brewing. There were light showers in the East, but that has little to do with what eventually transpired. The two storms rose up, like a lumberjack sharpening his axe, and clashed bolts of lightening and rain and hail and some other random items, like a chicken and the house cat from two doors down.
The farmer’s wife, who was downstairs in the basement, was freaking out. The farmer, still on the couch, looked at the coffee table. On top of the table, there was switch, the kind you turn on or off. The farmer’s purchase. It wasn’t connected to anything, it was just sitting on the table. The farmer’s wife came upstairs and saw her husband sitting on the couch. At that moment, the wind blew the roof off the house, nearly sucking the farmer out with it.
“What the fuck are you doing?”, yelled the farmer’s potty-mouthed wife.
The farmer reached over and flicked the switch. And nothing happened. At first. Then the sky turned blue and the sun was shining. It was late spring and the air had a lovely warmth to it without being too hot. The buzz that always seemed to hang over the air disappeared and you could hear the faintest squeal from a delighted squirrel as it found a fresh acorn. The farmer and his wife let out their first breath. They felt like they were suspended in reality, able to sense everything all at once and it was beautiful. They made love right there and then. They couldn’t resist it. This was like the most amazing high they didn’t dare dream possible to exist.
And through all of these moments of Utopia, the farmer’s wife always wondered what life would be life if things were different.
So she flicked the switch and everything went black.