Bondi’s Fantasy Surf Competition to go down to the wire at Pipeline
Now that the Men’s and Women’s world titles have been decided we can focus our attention on the most important comp of the season — The coveted Bondingers Surf Fantasy Tour Title, including a whopping $700 winner-takes-all cash prize.
Hold onto your mullet wigs as we take a look at where it went wrong, right and everything in-between for our couch dwelling punters:
BLS was going into this year with redemption on the mind after finished dead last a year earlier. He also foolishly put on two losing side beer cases with individuals in 2015 bringing his total career losses to -$130.
2016 has been all about the name change and the determination to go the distance and despite living the furthest from an actual beach and surfing a total of three times this calendar year, Le Spoon looks to have put Jenney and the rest of his competitors behind him as he runs away with the title.
In the words of Strider, “He’s dropped the wallet and now he’s going to pick it up again, Cookie Monster, GobbleGobble”.
James, or Bondi Jimmy as he’s affectionately known in the Valley due to his ‘Most Appearances at Beach Road’ award 15 years running, has had a powerful year.
Some would say his continuous loss of phones has lead to his poor tipping of late, but he begs to differ and wants everyone to know he’s ready to goooooo!
Much like his brief appearance on a reality song contest, will Jimmy have the X-Factor to make a serious challenge to Le Spoon at Pipe? Only time will tell.
Resembling an egg in an egg cup, Willy had a belter start to the year, and consistent finishes in the top 10 sees him nipping at the heels of Jimmy.
Some say he’s been focused too much on building his mid-north coast dream home, and getting ready for his Fijian surf wedding to his beautiful bride-to-be. This could be the case, but his mates put it down to consistent years of performing the bubbler and celebrity nude runs.
A crowd favourite, anything could happen when Willy’s involved.
Murray has the most ‘old fashioned’ name in the field and can boast two chairs up the beach with Jimmy this season. Stellar stuff for a tard.
The last surfer really in with an outside shot at the title, some say Muz has let himself down with his love of Swedish babes, moving full-time to Stockholm to settle down with his lovely Swedish gal.
In reality, he’s been smashing it the last few months, and fulfilling his prophecy as the Nord Sword has actually seen him become the strongest competitor in the final rounds. Anything’s possible with the Vikings on your side.
Michael draws his strength and attraction to women based on living his life according to everyone’s favourite children’s book (and his Jesus) Grug.
An inconsistent year could be down to his inconsistent training. Grug learns to Swim, Grug at the Beach and Grug builds a Boat occurred at the times when he made top five finishes. Unfortunately, Grug and the rainbow, Grug goes Shopping and Grug meets a Dinosaur really fucked his rhythm and results.
We’re anxious to see if the new books: Grug learns to Rip, Grug Boosting Everywhere are released next year which might improve his 2017 chances.
Richie’s start and finish to the year have been immense to say the least. With the Yellow jersey through the first few rounds he looked to be the goods, but like an off garlic sauce in a kebab, the guts really took him down.
While living 2km’s underground for most of the year and ensuring his super model American fiance’ didn’t forget about him way down there, I applaud the efforts of arguably Bondingers best looking contestant.
Next year should see Richie settled into married life and able to focus on the things that really matter. Gambling, surfing and gambling on surfing.
With only two podium finishes to write about this year Mick AKA Joe Dirt was using the power of the mullet to lead his choices.
Unfortunately the year of the mullet was 1995 so Mick is looking to guidance from a potential skullet haircut, so he can rip like Mikey Wright in 2017.
Potential VB sponsorship to follow!
Another one who bit the dust this year. Ric bought a massive kneepad and put his patella through the floor for his gorgeous Leo Fioravanti loving fiance.
Solid results throughout, saw Ric only miss out on a top ten finish once this year. Unfortunately there were too many near misses to make him a serious contender. Hard to believe with a face like that.
Next year Ric will be getting married in Europe and hopes to have the ceremony in France while the pro is on to give him a better shot. Loves a baguette does Ric.
Pretty obvious where this one went wrong - while juggling the organisation of yet another fucking marriage! Sorry Mrs Snekkkchel you’re a legend, but there’s a theme here.
With only one first and one second it proves that even if you have heaps of followers on Instagram and talk to Kelly Slater, you still may be shit at picking surf comps.
Some would stay stick to How I met your Mother, but we’d rather he keeps up the major sponsorship of the Bondingers tournament for 2017.
Morgo or Morgatron due to his large frame and froth for flagging Deceptacons - aka girls on insta with no rig shots and super close face photos from above - didn’t have an amazing year.
One podium is really not too bad for a guy who has to orbit the sun to ensure the world keeps on keeping on.
You’re the People’s Captain Planet so here’s to a stronger 2017.
A crazy start to the year that saw our sauna loving Mr Bondi finish last and first in consecutive competitions. Tom literally shot himself in the foot by skipping his tips in order to visit the Electric Beach before Trestles.
A day late, a buck short; turns out Tom’s selections going in late cost him big time as he nailed a massive score that would have seen him contesting for the title.
Next year big guy.
Three last finishes didn’t bode well for Fat Jez, but why his eyes were off the prize is pretty evident… He was spending too much time at the track training to become a group one winner.
He succeeded, but the time away from the beach hurt him big time. Fool indeed.
The final Bondinger to tie the knot this year. Lewis is our most mysterious competitors as he not only went missing from the Whatsapp group banter, but also the competition all together.
Lewis is hoping for a bigger one next year and hopefully a new helmet for Christmas.
This is a serious shock for all fantasy surf fans as Joel (Hodlum the Hoodlum ) wasn’t only leading Bondingers for most of 2015, but was in contention to take out the best fantasy player in the world.
Unfortunately his focus skewed to setting goals, becoming an Ironman and shaving every single pube off his body. Meaning he was eventually pipped by Tommy Nose Pick’s.
TNP! What the fuck happened to these guys?
Yes that’s right after taking the title in 2015, it appears Dr Tom has decided to give nil-fucks, pulling out of the last two comps to surf by himself in Indo. Evidently using the $700 from last year to live off ever since.
Known for his charisma and talent for nose picking a winner, Tommy was sorely missed by most of the competitors this year…
For the rest, they say sucked in Tom. Sucked in.
So who do you think will win at Pipe? It’s a four horse race (unfortunately Fat Jez is nowhere to be seen) but it’ll make for a Bondinger of a finish.