Ramblings of the mind

Ben King
Ben King
Nov 7 · 3 min read

part 1

Waves of uncertainty.

Ebbs and flows I believe it is called. To sum up what I am experiencing — one minute there will be nothing , then suddenly I become aware of the questions I ask myself and the feeling of being — this peaks my awareness and feeling of being present in the moment. Sudden urges of what can only be described as life motivation, come in to play. A sort of small adrenaline boost. Let’s get this shit done! But what shit is it that needs to get done. Or rather wants to get done. This is sometimes where I hit a wall. The wall of paralysis caused by trying to pinpoint a specific thought without actually knowing what that thought is. Just knowing that my intention is in the act of setting focus. Intention in the act is half of the battle; some would argue that this is the tougher half — however, to complete this picture we must create a whole — and without knowing where this other half comes from, or even what it is — this is how the fog is created.

I must say, at times I do enjoy having this peculiar mind, as troublesome as it can be. It offers what I can only imagine to be a rare sort of insight on how things work. Is it all real or just delusion? 29 years in the making thus far and I feel I am only just coming in to my own — though I still have an overwhelming sense of not knowing. Intrigue is a fuel. Curiosity will not kill this cat. The possibility that a higher sort of mindfulness will be attained is…possible. But so is insanity? I once questioned myself:

Do the insane know that they are insane? Do they have the awareness and mental capacity to realise their own insanity?

Surely being able to ask these questions present the answers themselves. For a truly insane person will be so adamant in their proclamations, that they would speak fact and not question themselves. Of course this is all subjective really. You can make up your own mind on the matter.

If you close your eyes long enough, the world ceases to exist. Do you know for certain that the world outside of you is still happening if you are not there to witness it? The only time you know it is there is when you can see it and experience it for yourself. You don’t know for certain that things are happening while you are ‘sleeping’ for you are no longer present. It is all an assumption. Go on, try and prove me wrong here. Show me proof that the world doesn’t simply ‘resume’ in it’s anticipated state when you wake up again. Everything you see and hear is experienced inside of you. What if this is all fake? Just take a second to toy with the idea that this is all made up…all in your head. It is your story after all. Nobody else can truly control you or tell you what to do or say or think. They can try, sure. But it is your mind that determines the outcome. It is your mind the perceives things in the unique way it does. What if this whole world is just a construct of your mind? I’m sure there are endless theories about life and this could be one of them.

I shall conclude my brief ramblings here, as I feel they could go on for some time.

Till next time!

Ben King

Written by

Ben King

Figuring life out, one question at a time.

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