Freedom

An awakening, as I step away from the decades of life with emotional abuse.

The freedom of knowing there is an end to this.

The freedom of having a new context, free to understand better (as best possible right now) what’s real, and what’s bullshit.

The freedom of ignoring the blame instead of owning it — internalizing it — and feeling like I’m next to nothing because the blame rolls downhill to me.

The freedom, at this very moment, of having walked out the door and gone somewhere by myself. Somewhere I wanted to go . . . with a purpose. Somewhere by myself where I didn’t walk in needing to manage anything in the environment.

The freedom of being in the moment or a million miles away mentally, all based on what and where I want to be.

The freedom of feeling like I did when youth was my constant companion.

Freedom to experiment with my emotions and anxiety, to discover how they operate when they haven’t been deeded to a partner, surrendered to another’s ownership.

The freedom to sit in the front. The freedom to not have to think about and anticipate who might be right around me.

The freedom of knowing that nothing will create a scene and blow up my anxiety.

The freedom of going somewhere and feeling complete in myself. The freedom of being present without feeling an obligation or being deficient.

The freedom of being one . . . distinct and complete.

Wow.

Freedom.

If you are in a similar situation, I’m publishing content along my journey to healing as I make progress. Subscribe to get an email as I share new articles.