I Can’t Believe It’s Not Unity

The Democratic Unity Reform Commission was created to punt as many reform proposals as possible until after the election, when they could be disposed of with fewer political consequences. Supposedly the goal of the commission is to find a way to unify those who want money out of politics with those who find corruption acceptable. It’s hard to see how that is possible, especially given the composition of the committee. But if they succeeded it would probably look something like this proposal.

Unity, Democratic Party Style

The Party hopes that this proposal will serve to enforce unity.

The DNC will be reorganized into a bicameral structure consisting of the House of Lobbyists and House of Commons. Each house must approve all DNC business by majority vote. To maximize unity, the minority will be mercilessly ignored.

All DNC subcommittees will consist of an equal number of members of both houses. Subcommittee members are appointed by their houses.

House of Lobbyists

Just like the UK House of Lords has the Lords Temporal and Lords Spiritual, the House of Lobbyists is divided into two subgroups: the Lobbyists Present and Lobbyists Future.

Lobbyists Present

This section consists of the donors, the all-important financial might of The Party. Seats for the Lobbyists Present are auctioned off to the highest bidders every four years. The price includes four seats at the national convention.

Lobbyists Future

Since all current Democratic officeholders are expected to have a glorious career as lobbyists after leaving office, they are considered Lobbyists Future. Lobbyists Future receive two seats at the national convention.

House of Commons

This house consists of a handful of the people that The Party considers to be riffraff but expect to vote for them anyway. While they feel there is absolutely no legitimate reason for them to have a voice in the workings of The Party, they’ve magnanimously decided to let them have some say in the vain hope that it will keep them from becoming interested in better parties.

Unlike the House of Lobbyists, members of the House of Commons are absolutely required to be registered Democrats. Since the rabble are basically indistinguishable and cannot be trusted to elect representatives at any rate, they are selected randomly from all applicants using the same multi-page process used in delegate selection to ensure that it looks like the cover of a college recruitment brochure.

Members of the House of Commons are allowed a seat at the national convention if they somehow manage to make it there. Additional seats must be purchased at the regular price. To ensure unity, on the days the convention is in session, members of the House of Commons are strictly forbidden from having opinions.

Enforcing Unity

The Party hopes that this proposal will serve to enforce unity. All voices are equal, with the appropriate amount of equality proportioned to each of The Party’s concerns. All loyal Party members have no choice but to conclude this is the best way to avoid a damaging diversity of thought within The Party like the one they had to hide from the public in 2016.

Think there is a better way? You’re right. The Democratic Party is fatally broken, and it shows in the loss of more than a thousand seats since 2008. Now is the time to replace them with a party that stands for what a majority of the people actually want. We can replace the Democrats like the Republicans replaced the Whigs.

See DraftBernie.org for more information.

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