How Extreme Need Leads to Male Entitlement
Emma Lindsay
88540

I can honestly say that I would not shove someone out of the way, no matter how badly I needed to pee.

I have wet myself twice while waiting in line for the bathroom, once in kindergarten and once when I’d been drinking. On another occasion I was literally on a bus needing to pee; the bus stopped, there was a line, I didn’t think I could hold it that long so I went behind the building and peed on a tree.

This doesn’t make me an amazing person or anything. (Mostly it makes me bad at planning ahead/rationing my liquids.) I’m just making the point that desperate need and entitlement are frequently comorbid but not the same thing. Needing something is not the same as believing that you deserve to fill that need at other people’s expense.

We absolutely do need to socialize men more sociably, so that they can more resourcefully fill their own emotional needs. And we *also* need to teach them that it is not ever ok to attempt to fill those needs at the expense of others. Their feelings, however lonely, are not more important than women’s bodily autonomy.

It’s a very good idea to try and date someone who is in a good place emotionally. But life is unpredictable; if you get in a long term relationship and things change for that person, it would be nice for you to be able to feel confident that he will not assault you or violate your boundaries even if he loses his job or an important friend/family member.

So, ideally, a male partner can have a diverse social network *and also* not feel entitled to your body even if his network falls apart. 🙂

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