I don’t think it’s SF per se. But I do think it’s a “career man” thing. Guys who aren’t pouring their whole selves into a super demanding career would have more mental space for interpersonal stuff, I would think.
But I’m married to a career man myself so I can only speculate.
I would say maybe try dating less ambitious guys, or else try a more chill city.
Another thing about intense cities, like SF and NYC (where I met my husband), is that the cost of living and extremely competitive job market makes it harder for 20-something young women to get their feet under them, financially and career-wise. Which works in the favor of financially well established dudes, and incentivizes women to “make it work” with any guy who can pay 50–100% of the rent.
So, these guys you’re addressing would definitely have happier lives if they took your advice. But that would be hard for them, and there is definitely a pool of 25yo women who can be more easily pressed to meet their demands re childbearing and housework. Those women won’t be able to offer what you can in terms of having things in common or income level.
But compromise in those two areas is going to be easier for the average career man than reassessing his whole attitude about work life balance and relationship gender roles. 😕
I guess what I’m getting at is…don’t feel *too* bad for them. If you want a baby, go for it.