Investing in Reflection

By: Dave Joseph

College is a place that is filled with opportunity. It’s where a student finally gets to see all of their hard work and countless hours of studying materialize and turn into something. That ‘something’ is different for many of us, depending on the values we grew up attempting to embody and the dreams we are constantly reminded to reach. For those of us who are filled with more nerves, who have to work significantly harder, and who have more pain built into our souls in order to be successful during our journey through college, we have to be more invested in reflecting and honoring the people and experiences that helped us get here.

“I had parents who wanted me to amount to be something more than they were able to be. They were very firm about taking my education seriously.”

I grew up in the inner city of Jamaica, where most are not worried about college. It’s not that my people lack the intellectual ability or ambition to aspire to obtain a higher education, rather it is the lack of money to do more than just survive, and the lack of exposure to a world beyond their own. I had parents who wanted me to amount to be something more than they were able to be. They were very firm about taking my education seriously and putting it before play. They made tremendous sacrifices for me to have the comfort of not worrying about basic necessities. They let me be a kid — by playing football (or as Americans say, soccer), hanging out with my cousins, climbing mango trees, and catching crayfishes — until I didn’t have that luxury anymore.

When my dad was murdered in March of 2008, it became less of an obligation for my mother to stress the importance of education and more of an innate responsibility for me to do so myself. His death shook my family to its core and affected the entire community. He wasn’t a perfect man, but he always left a profound impact on the people with whom he crossed paths. The months and even years after his death, life became difficult, and at worst, purposeless. In May 2011, my mother brought me and my sister to the States for a safer, more stable upbringing. The life I had grown so accustomed to changed instantly without any warning.

“But I wasn’t alone; even in this new space, I quickly found support.”

Despite this change, I continued to push myself academically. Most of the time, that was just me trying to focus on getting through to the next day the best way I knew how. But I wasn’t alone; even in this new space, I quickly found support. For the first time, I was in an environment that saw my college potential and had the resources to push me towards those goals. Passionate teachers encouraged me to apply to college and to programs, such as Upward Bound, which truly improved my opportunities. Now I understand why my parents pushed me so hard.

The reason I am where I am now is absolutely because of the complicated upbringing I had to face. Through tragedy, I learned how to be vulnerable, and how to give and receive love. My transition to college was tough, but I made sure to find support groups through academic advising and resource centers that represented my identities.

I am now a college sophomore studying finance and marketing at the University of Pennsylvania. I constantly reflect on my parents’ persistence and dedication to drive home the importance of elevating myself and those around me who I love, understand the true goal of education, and I fully see how those dreams have manifested in me. It hurts to think that my father didn’t get to see me get accepted into my dream college, graduate from high school, or grow to manhood, and I often wonder if I am living up to the vision he had for his only son. I’m not sure if I can ever repay my family, friends, and programs for their sacrifices, but I hope they know that I don’t think I could have ever accomplished any of this by myself. And to other students out there trying to make “something” of themselves in college, while simultaneously coping with trauma, take the time to prioritize keeping the ones who helped you make it through in the center of your hearts and minds.