Trust Me — You Need These Types of Mentors in Your life
For the good, the bad and the uncertain times in life
It’s nearly September, which means a whole new class of graduates — as Prince once sang — is getting “through this thing called life.”
That means along the way, you’ll need a little help from some friends. These friends are your mentors and you never know when you’ll meet them. You just do. Any successful person will tell you he or she did not get there without the advice and counsel of other wiser men and women. I have had many mentors in my life. I’m constantly asked by younger people how to find mentors and what to do once you think you’ve encountered one.
Equally as important as finding a mentor is knowing what his or her role is in your life. Sallie Krawcheck, the former Wall Street banker and now CEO of Ellevest, calls this your personal board of directors. Not all mentors are created equal. It would be unfair and an inefficient use of their time if you treated each mentor exactly the same. I have some mentors I speak to every day; others I contact once every few months.
Knowing how you use people’s time, skills, and knowledge is critical in nurturing and prolonging that relationship.
Below are the four different types of mentors you should have around you. It doesn’t mean there aren’t more than this, but these are the most common ones. I call them the 4 C’s.
1. The Coach.
Growing up, your parents will be your first coaches. If they’re good, they’ll encourage you when you’re down, listen, and help you figure out solutions to incoming problems. The issue is that at a certain point in your adult life, their advice will cease to be as effective as it once was. It’s not because you’re too old for them, but because your career has outgrown their area of expertise. This is when you need to have older, wiser people around you who are more well attuned to your industry and job. They can coach you through tough moments, think big picture on projects and ideas, and help you solve work-related problems. Their satisfaction is knowing they are paying it forward by helping someone younger who has potential.
2. The Connector.
These are some of the most important mentors to have and they are pretty rare. Most people are very inward looking. Connectors are outward-facing people whose very satisfaction comes from helping people meet each other. I’ve met a half dozen true connectors in my life and without them, I would not have had as much success. Nobody knows why they love connecting people, but they all share traits of having bountiful amounts of energy and loving new ideas. They have a wide and very deep network of people who all respect them and they often “get things done.” If you meet one of these people, hang on.
3. The Cheerleader.
Cheerleaders are absolutely critical. These are the people whom you can call after getting a big promotion and they will be as thrilled for you as your mother. And believe me, nobody will ever be as thrilled as Mom. In a sometimes cutthroat world, you need people who will genuinely be happy for you and who will be there when everyone else has left — i.e., after your company has gone bankrupt. I have one person like this who will send me encouraging texts or take my call immediately if I’m having a particularly bad day. Sometimes that’s all you need to get you through. You don’t need too many people like this — sometimes one is just enough, but this person is your rock.
4. The Challenger.
This mentor is not exactly going to be someone you’ll be spending New Year’s Eve with because he or she is there to call bullsh*!t on a lot of things that will sometimes make you uncomfortable. But that’s OK. If you want lots of happy talk, call Mom. She will love everything you do. If you want to grow, you will want some challengers in your life who will tell you when they think you’re doing something wrong or if an idea just plain sucks. They’re the ones who, after you call the Cheerleader about your great idea, will tell you a dozen ways why it won’t work unless you do X, Y, and Z. This criticism, if it comes from the right place, will set you on the right path. Challengers are super smart and super fast — they often don’t have a lot of time so you’ll find they’ll give their dose of advice quickly and move on. Call upon them only when you need it.
Please join me on Radiate! We offer a snackable collection of videos featuring our experts to help solve problems, gain perspectives and learn new business skills.
Originally published at www.inc.com.