Learning From A Close Encounter With Death

All too often, we forget how lucky we are to be alive. We forget that each one of us is a miracle and that life should never be taken for granted.

A few years ago, my Spanish host mother (Marisol) had an experience that shook her so badly that “[ella] creía que iba a morir.” (she thought she was going to die).

Her story made me question my cultural upbringing and gave me a newfound appreciation for life.

Marisol is one of the most caring people I know — although she is a goof, she always has everyone’s best interests in mind, and will go out of her way to help you.

For over twenty years, she has made staying in Spain a memorable experience for dozens of people like me.

As an experienced host mother, Marisol never had a problem with any of her students.

But nothing lasts forever.

. . .

It all started when some American parents came to visit their son in Spain. Naturally, they wanted to meet Marisol — and that’s when it all happened.

So, what was this insanely traumatic experience?

The father wore sweatpants to meet Marisol.

In Spain, people tend to dress nicer so wearing sweatpants casually in public will surely generate some uncomfortable stares.

No, nothing really happened to Marisol and no, she wasn’t that traumatized. However, she did tell me she was so embarrassed that she thought she was going to die.

Not only did this story make me laugh my ass off, but it really did get me thinking about cultural differences between the US and Spain. I learned three valuable lessons from this story:

1. No Culture Is “Right”

In the scenario depicted above, who was “right?” My host mom or the comfortable American?

I don’t know — do you?

Since childhood, we began to develop a sense of what is “weird” or “just wrong” based on our individual upbringings and the societies that we were born into. Just because we were raised with a certain mentality does not mean that it is okay to ignore the way other people think.

Studying abroad has taught me how detrimental it can be to only expose yourself to one culture. When I first arrived in Spain, I only understood one perspective as to how life should be lived. After living here for a month, I feel much more open-minded and accepting of other ways of living.

From now on, I’m just gonna sit back and admire how awesome people are and how cool it is that life can be lived in so many different ways. :)

2. Our Thoughts May Not Be Our Own

Think: When you brush your teeth at night, do you wet your toothbrush before or after you put on the toothpaste?

Personally, I wet my toothbrush before I put on the toothpaste. Anyone who wets their toothbrush afterwards is a weirdo ;)

When you think about it, a culture is just a group of people who agree on a bunch of these silly little rules. Over time, these rules turn into customs, ideas, and ways of living that eventually form a culture.

The story of Marisol’s embarrassment got me thinking about cultures and how they are created over time. After breaking it down more and more, I realized something creepy:

Some of our thoughts were created before we were born.

Being born into American culture would mean that you accept people who decide to wear sweatpants in public. Being born into Spanish culture would cause you to think the contrary.

In a sense, we were all born into a certain way of thinking and are limited to the confinements of our culture.

Do you own all of your thoughts?

3. Mental Blockage

Just like Spanish societal norms limit the use of sweatpants, our own minds limit us by telling us what we can or cannot do.

If no culture is “right” and our thoughts don’t all belong to us, then it could also mean that our cultures and upbringings have set limitations as to what we allow ourselves to achieve. It is almost as if we have been programmed by several influences that restrict us from achieving our full potential.

When I told people my goal was to study abroad without paying for any of it, I typically got a friendly chuckle coupled with an awkward smile. I could tell that they didn’t believe I could do it. Both the financial aid officer and my study abroad advisor at my school responded by saying, “Well, it has never been done before!”

I think this is a perfect example of a limitation.

Those friendly chuckles and stupid statements of fact were merely the external reflection of what those people believed — they thought it couldn’t be done.

I refused to let them influence my thinking and block me from achieving my goals. As a result, I ended up paying for my entire study abroad experience with the help of some amazing scholarships.

Mental blocks that set limitations are unhealthy.

Nobody likes being unhealthy.

. . .

I hate to say it, but I am glad that Marisol had to stare death in the face in order to tell me this story. Her simple one sentence taught me lessons that some people never learn in an entire lifetime.

For some people, it takes having a close encounter with death until they become appreciative of their miracle of life.

For others, you simply have to hang out with an American wearing sweatpants.