To Mom, From Millennial (FREE Template for Mother’s Day Card)
Kathleen Toohill

Dear Kathleen,

Thanks you for the Mother’s Day card, dear. I see you are still using Crayola to write with. And so many colours. One for each letter. So you are still not allowed pens or pencils, or any sharp objects.

As for supporting you in your life long dream, I had not realised what it entailed. You always enjoyed Miss Devonport’s dance classes and when you told us what you wanted to do I thought, yes, why not. If a girl want to dance in Poland then why not. And there was also the opportunities to travel. Little did I know that pole dancing did not mean you were going to Poland. And I would still not have know if our neighbour had not mentioned it. Apparently her brother had seen you, a number of times. He’s the cheapskate who only gives you a dollar and asks you for a date. Still, it is nice to know you are so popular because of your dancing.

Actually we have already redecorated your room. I did ask you several times but you kept changing the subject. As for the boxes, you need not worry. We held a yard sale and raised enough to pay for the redecoration. Not to worry about your collection. We gave it to your little nephew Timmy. He just loves Star Wars and Star Trek. And he had so much fun ripping the toys out of the boxes. You should have seen his little face.

Those were political rants? I thought Donald Trump was that businessman from New York. Apparently his businesses have failed so many times that his lawyers have the papers ready on file with just the dates needing to be filled in ready for next time.

Your father says that when he dies Hell has no fears for him. Having sat and binge watched Sex in the City and Friends with you Hell has got to be a piece of cake, he says. I have not mentioned the other series you made us watch with you. Your father therapist has said it is best not to. He can even tell what it is when I am typing. And, for obvious reasons, we have cancelled Netflix.

We sent all you pasta pictures off to a charity raising money for starving children in Africa. They sent them back saying no one was that hungry. And yes dear, we avoid your deadly cooking as well. Ever since that episode with your uncle George. Talk about passing through the eye of a needle. He was three hours on the toilet. I thought we would never be able to use it ever again.

I had not realised your card was late. I just thought you we a bit early for the next one.

Yes, I love watching John Oliver on HBO as well. That sexy British accent. And they are so much more wittier then American comedians don’t you think. Reminds me of that man you follow on Medium.



PS. Why do you keep telling everyone we are Irish. Just because your brother is called Patrick and drinks Guinness that does not make us Irish.

(Happy trails)

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