Why even bother?

I used to make this mistake quite often than not, for the simple fact that I very rarely find ANYONE that can comprehend my thought pattern coherently.

I will spend six thousand words trying to explain something something that probably should have taken 400 at the most. Most assume they know what I’m referencing so they are quick to get bored or tune out.

But you see, even though they may asssume they know what I’m explaining… They may have the general gist, but more than likely I am trying to explain my intricacies and nuances on a certain way I see something.

For I assure you, on any given subject they are FAR from similar. Even on subjects we agree upon! Although common in principle, often times … scratch that, EVERY time, I am looking at it from a complete different perspective than you because of where I’m focused in life and my overall big-picture, grand-scheme of things. And even IF by the extreme unlikelihood that you did by some chance, have the same mindset or mentality…. my insight and processes would still be extremely different. Everyone’s are to some extent.

I have a unique way of processing and thinking unlike ANY other human I’ve come across… in this lifetime, anyway. Sure, I bond and connect with humans on a unique level, and the communication will flow and be natural. But I’ve trained myself, HARD so that such feats are possible.

To an extent, everyone does… But I feel I’ve had to almost re-wire my brainstem, just to be able to communicate normally and naturally with all people.

I must emphasize so as not to confuse, with most I was easily able to “dumb down” my brainwaves(almost shut off, it feels like) anyway, it was very easy to get into what I call “bullshit” mode once I’d identified the ‘shit’ emanating from the zombie-like human I was communicating with. And the simple smile and nod, and animated facial expressions would suffice. You’d be surprised how easily the conscious mind can be fooled into thinking you’re actually paying attention to it. I did this growing up almost automatically.

Until I noticed more and more people starting to become AWARE, not of me but of themselves, and actually starting or at least attempting to really communicate.

I realize my statements hint toward the fact that I judge a person by their initial appearance but I must stress, this is NOT the case. I know this because I used to.

The Lord blessed me with, immaculate, extraordinary skills of observation, naturally. I noticed them quite young, without being aware actually. Once I did become aware, I never really viewed as a gift. More like, a kid thing. Heck, even as a Hispanic trait. As I grew up, I noticed this was NOT the case at all.

I consciously and vigorously stimulated this tool to where it encompassed my every waking moment. For as my imagination had led me to believe, this would manifest my “real powers” and bring them to the light…

I still can’t walk through walls, fly or hurl books across the room at will, but I did learn to observe, better. Especially humans! By the time I was 12 I would absorb so MUCH detail about a person walking, at times I would amaze myself…

For example, and these things come natural now. No thought required whatsoever. I’d notice: walking style, rhythm, where exactly their feet hit, how high their toe came up during stride, feet distance while walking, speed, limp, what foot they favored, the spring or ‘swag’ to their march(everyone’s is unique) then his knees, how they bent, if one was favored, if one looked injured, hip placement, leaned forward/backward, weapons, protrusions that may have been, the unique way arms swung, positive of hands, many stressors are apparen in fingers, shoulders… Clothes, shows etc

I could go on and on but you get it. I would do every person I saw, extensively, repeatedly. Breathing pattern, everything.

This was my obsession, as a kid growing up. By the time i was 15/16 and read my very first book on body language, I was ecstatic and shocked at how accurate my assumptions were compared to the book. Not that I doubted my intuition at all, but to actually read in plain text, things I had known for years already, was quite inspiring. I remember thinking, the data I obtained throughout the years I would never share with anybody, for several reasons! Belief, comprehension and agony of simply having to explain were the main ones. Often times, I’d just KNOW many things about someone naturally. “how’d you know that?” is a reoccurring theme in my life. Constantly. I normally just shrug, and say “lucky guess”

These observations have zero effect, on my relationship with women I might add! Emotional creatures as they are, trying to figure one out past that….. is obselete no matter how much the observation.

I’ve read many many books on communication and comprehend them entirely, but this does not help with my issue. The more I read, the more it affirms to me that my brain is not similar to most. Coupled by the fact of how uniquely I process thought, it requires massive energy to be able to speak. I don’t have issues listening, processing or understanding. There just seems to be different or added wave patterns when it comes to speaking. I consider myself of decent intelligence. I, to my best knowledge am able to comprehend, all subject material especially any subject given in college. This I owe to my insatiable affinity to curiosity. And yet, something this simple deters me.

If anyone has any suggestions. I am eager and grateful for any and all perspectives. I welcome feedback no matter how minute or intricate.

Thanx, readers.