The first time I learned about Oedipus Complex was in a literature class. I had no previous understanding of what it meant. But upon learning about what it means, I was opened up to a whole new experience of the world.
I’d previously watched a “Yoruba movie” where the son had some unusual closeness with his mom, and he hated his dad for how close he was to his Mom. I’ve also seen another movie where it was The Daughter and The Dad. But as a psychological phenomenon, it is more of the son and the mother.
During my first year of being a university student, I had to take Psychology 101, and here was where I learned in detail, all about Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalysis of the unconscious desire of the mother to keep her child “as a child”, and never truly allowing the child to grow. The pervasive form of this Oedipus Complex is what has greatly to do with the sexual relationship between the mother and her child.
That is quite the introduction to this psychological piece. If I must add, I will only bring to life the idea of the mother who devours her child (metaphorically) and never allowed them their freedom to learn about the outside world and grow in relationship to it.
I hope you have a swell time on this page.
The Oedipal Mother Archetype
The pathology of masculinity is the absent, tyrannical, or aggressive dad. While the feminine pathology is deeply rooted in the overprotection and infantilization of the child.
To Sigmund Freud, the Oedipal Mother is the mother that gets too close to her children and intermingles herself with them to too great a degree. Where, in her attempts to protect them, she undermines them, and alters their development into proper adults.
When children are over-sheltered and overprotected, they turn into grown children, and not proper adults. This is the curse of the over-protective mother.
The devouring mother is a very old archetypal idea that we sing about in our songs, tell in our tales, and act in our plays and dramas. It is an inescapable pathology that affects human relationships. We’ve seen it all in Disney tales like Tangled, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid, Hansel and Gretel, etc. They all have similar reoccurring patterns of the mother that is interfering with their child’s wish to grow into something beyond what they already are.
In The Little Mermaid, for example, Ursula, the sea witch, could be associated with the devouring mother concept. She manipulates and preys upon Ariel’s longing for a different life, using her desire to control and ultimately devour her voice and identity. Ursula represents the destructive and overpowering aspects of the mother figure, attempting to consume Ariel’s individuality.
The overprotective mother interferes with the proper development of her child, infantilizing the child and clinging to her relationship with the child. Rather than having the child go out into the world and have the adventure of their life that will enable them to grow into a proper adult.
Even in our personal lives, we may share the experience of the overprotective mother that fails to allow their child to grow into an adult that is capable of navigating their own way around the world. If not our lives, it would be the lives of some people we know. The Oedipal Complex is a universal phenomenon.
It is easy for this phenomenon to manifest itself in families. Sometimes, it is even in the most unhealthy fashion. Where a child is never allowed any sort of freedom away from the mom, even when said child is finally married or leaves for college.
The Devouring Mother
It is a motherhood thing because it is clear how long a child’s dependency period is. The mother is also primarily the one that had to be emotionally and physically attached to a baby during and after the pregnancy stage. Some children are dependent on their parents even in their 20s, or 30s. In some cases, it is the fault of the parents for deliberately keeping the child dependent on them. They’ve infantilized the child. He/she is not comfortable being beyond the range of their parents.
This is borne out of the fear of the child becoming someone they can’t control, or someone that fails to recognize the pivotal role they (the parents) play in the child’s life. In this scenario, the child merely grows up to be an overgrown child. Never allowed to grow properly.
There are some scenarios where this situation of the Oedipal Mother returns to be the undoing of the mother. You can after all keep a princess or prince locked up in their garden of Eden only for so long before their natural instinct for exploration kicks in, and they develop an unending hunger for an apple from the tree of knowledge. This will open their eyes to the real truth that lies beyond the lies they’d been brought up with. Once this happens, they will grow the desire for more freedom — more experiences beyond what they already know. When this sets in, they might forever abandon their parents, never to return home.
This is one of the reasons children of pastors and imams, in some cases, turn out to be the worst examples of what the parents trained the children never to be. Certainly, you have friends that you know have the most religious parents, whereas the children don’t portray any values the parents preach.
Limiting someone’s knowledge and curiosity voluntarily only further implants more seeds of curiosity in the person. Once they taste freedom, all the desires and fantasies that have been repressed by their parents or immediate environment begin to manifest themselves on the conscious level.
According to Sigmund Freud, if these desires are repressed for too long, they will show themselves in dreams. They will take different forms. If you subconsciously grow some desires for certain things like sex, food, someone, somewhere, something, etc, but they are being constrained on the conscious level, they will show themselves in your dreams. That’s something I learned from studying psychoanalysis.
Archangel
This segment is named after a Netflix show. It is the second episode of the fourth season of the dystopian anthology series “Black Mirror.”
The story is set in a near-future world and revolves around a single mother named Marie, and her daughter Sara. Since the conception of Sara, Marie grew a strong attachment to her daughter. Naturally, in order to be a good and affectionate mother, you need some level of attachment, because we know how annoying, stubborn, and loud babies can be. But what happens when the Oedipal Complex sets in, and the attachment to the child gets a little too unhealthy?
Only some years after Sara was born, her mother opted for some kind of “monitoring/protective” device. This device is called Archangel.
Archangel is a small chip implanted in a child’s brain, and it comes with a tablet that is controlled by the parent. The chip allows the parent to see what the child sees, monitor their physiological state, and even censor or block disturbing images from their vision. Marie initially uses the technology to protect Sara from minor dangers like sharp objects or inappropriate media.
When Sara turns 15, Marie decides to turn off the Archangel system to give her daughter some independence. However, Sara becomes curious about the missing years of her life, so she searches for the control tablet, and when she finds it where her mother hid it, she finds a way to reactivate the device. Upon reactivation, Sara discovers the extent of her mother’s surveillance and censorship.
This causes some strain in their mother-daughter relationship. Sara’s rebellious behavior leads her to engage in activities that Marie disapproves of, including a sexual relationship with her boyfriend. Disturbed by what she sees, Marie secretly takes a morning-after pill and crushes it into Sara’s smoothie. She also confronts her boyfriend.
At the end of the episode, Sara gets into a fight with her mother. During the fight, Sara smashes her mom’s face with the same tablet that she’d been using to censor her visions and monitor her activities. Because Sara’s chip never enables her to see blood or gory scenes, she wasn’t able to tell whether the mother was bleeding as she continuously smashes her mother’s face in.
In a previous scene, a man is dying of heart failure, but because of the censor in her head that causes her to have blurred visions of fatal situations, Sara isn’t able to save the man. This same scenario played out at the climax. But this time, it was Sara unable to see all the blood on her mom’s face.
The mother survived the event. But she loses Sara.
At the end of the episode, Sara is seen getting in the truck of a man. This is symbolic of the freedom she’s been longing for.
The “Archangel” episode of Black Mirror serves as a cautionary tale about the dangers of excessive parental control and invasive surveillance technology. It raises important ethical questions about the balance between protecting children and allowing them the freedom to grow and make their own choices.
Delayed Development
A good number of parents get in the way of their children’s development. In lots of cases, it is done consciously, not unconsciously.
This conscious interference with a child’s development might affect them psychologically. For example, a person’s prefrontal cortex (associated with rational thinking) is supposed to have developed by the age of four. This part of the brain is developed through social interactions with others. You fight, you punch, you bite, you insult… But because you are interacting with others, they can easily tell you what is, and what isn’t acceptable in a social setting.
But let’s assume that you are a caring mother that could never bear to watch your kid being disciplined by other parents or even other children. If your child returns home hurt from school, you won’t educate them about standing up to bullies and facing their fears. But rather, you show up to the school the following day and demand that the school disciplines the offenders and introduce some measures that won’t allow the children to play roughly.
In Plato’s book, the Republic, the concept of individualism is eradicated, and children are taught the value of collectivity — of community. Children are raised communally — not just by parents. This, he believes, is the proper way to raise a child. But we are too “modern” to allow that to happen. Although I get it. It sounds like a socialist style of parenting. Parents today will rather ban what we Africans call “break time” (which is a recess in the US) in our primary and secondary schools than allow their children to be hurt or bullied.
In cases like this, the children who weren’t allowed to “properly grow” go on to develop ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). Children with ADHD may have trouble paying attention, controlling impulsive behaviors (may act without thinking about what the result will be), or being overly active. One of the major causes of the disorder is the lack of proper social play with other people during childhood years. It is a by-product Oedipal Complex which is characterized by some constrain on personal freedom, over-sheltering, and overprotection of a child.
Social Play
Swiss psychologist, Jean Piaget, who was a developmental psychologist clearly explained the necessity of play among children. For example, a child that plays some kind of “rough and tumble” with other children is highly likely to be socially acceptable than a child who has been overprotected and isn’t able to understand certain social norms outside the protected wings of the mother’s house.
The child that wasn’t allowed to play goes on to be some kind of outcast among his/her peers. Even some adults will avoid the child because of how fiery and overprotective the child’s mom is. If they see him, they will mutter to themselves, “There comes that annoying child”.
When a child notices too that the mother is there to always clean up after them, clothes for them, and practically do every other thing that the child in their developmental process ought to be able to do independently. If this guardian angel act goes on longer than the adolescent age, the child will depend heavily on the mother for the most basic things that even extend beyond clothing and feeding.
The child is a victim of the Oedipal Complex. He/she has successfully been infantilized by an overprotective mother.
The Oedipal Complex is worst for daughters. And I think this is symbolic in most Disney movies. Most of the Disney princesses sing about the adventure that comes with being taken away from their castle by a wild man. Snow White, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, etc… They all tell the same tales of overprotection.
It is worst for the daughters because they are raised in fear and danger of the world. But men (sometimes) are encouraged to step outside their comfort zone. If not encouraged, they are pushed to be up and about.
There is a condition known as claustrophobia. It is a situational phobia triggered by an irrational and intense fear of tight or crowded spaces. It is no surprise that this condition is more prevalent among women. Clinical psychologist, Jordan Peterson, reports that the condition is usually suffered by women in their 20s.
How To Not Raise Children
Personally, I think it is a great disservice for any woman to be raised in the constant fear of men, or even other women. It is no help too when, rather than being taught and raised to be brave in the face of a harsh world, they are raised in a very protective environment where they can be monitored.
The claustrophobic nature of some women is induced by their overprotectiveness. You will rarely ever find a man that is claustrophobic or agoraphobic. Introverted women have it worse. Since they are in that state of active retreat from the “outside world”.
Lest I forget, Agoraphobia is a fear of being in situations where escape might be difficult or that help wouldn’t be available if things go wrong. Many people assume agoraphobia is simply a fear of open spaces, but it’s actually a more complex condition. Someone with agoraphobia may be scared of traveling on public transport. This condition usually manifests itself in some kind of social anxiety.
But the truth is that you can’t protect kids. You shouldn’t protect kids. You can only guide them and make them stronger. That is your role. You make people weak by sheltering them from the harsh truth of reality. Which is the world that lies outside the wings of the Oedipal Mother — the world that only the strong can face.
If you create safe spaces for them and do for them what they are able to do themselves, you rob them of the ability to become capable and independent adults. When children who grow into adultlike children face anything they weren’t properly prepared for, they instantly retreat back home to their parents (especially their mom) where they get all the solace they need.
The Oedipal Mother is all too happy to have this happen because it means that the child hasn’t abandoned them, and they still play a pivotal role in the child’s life. Despite the fact that the child is well above the age of maturity. But while still under the protection of the mother at the age of 35, the child only lives as a hollow image of the once 5years old child.
Do you still remember the Archangel segment? Well, it is time for another Hollywood allusion that fits well with this context.
Blockers
The Blocker (2018) is a comedy movie that I definitely will recommend you watch. It is one of my favorite movies. This is mostly thanks to its cast, soundtrack, and the cinematography.
The movie explores the theme of overprotective parents and their interference in their children’s lives. Through its comedic lens, the movie offers a critique of such parental behavior and challenges the notion of excessive control over children’s choices and experiences.
The film centers around three parents who discover a pact made by their daughters to lose their virginity on prom night. Alarmed by this revelation, the parents embark on a misguided mission to prevent their daughters from engaging in sexual activities, often resorting to invasive and overbearing tactics.
At the climax of the movie, the teenagers decided that will lose their virginity at the school’s prom party. They planned the whole via text messages. The parents spied on their texts and discovered the hidden plans behind the eggplant and other secretive Gen-Z emojis. Upon this discovery, the parents decided to band together and ruin the kids’ plans.
In the context of “Blockers,” the film does not delve into the deep psychological dynamics and conflicts associated with the Oedipal complex. Instead, it primarily deals with parental fears and concerns about their children’s sexual experiences. The parents’ actions in the movie are driven by their desire to protect their daughters from what they perceive as potential harm or negative consequences. These motivations are more closely aligned with parental anxiety and societal norms around adolescent sexuality, rather than the complex interplay of desire, rivalry, and identification found in the Oedipal complex.
The movie suggests that while parental concern is natural, it is essential for parents to strike a balance between protecting their children and allowing them the freedom to grow and make their own choices.
In conclusion, “Blockers” provides a humorous yet critical look at overprotective parents and their interference in their children’s lives. Through its comedic lens, the film critiques excessive control, promotes open communication, and highlights the importance of allowing young adults to navigate their own paths while providing a supportive and understanding environment.
You really should watch the movie. I think you’ll enjoy it. I’m also certain that you will learn some things.
Anyway, this is an opportunity to also imbibe my own story into the complexities of the Oedipal Complex. Life is a movie, so maybe it is yet another movie allusion.
Before I begin my story, I will love to narrate something that gives better context to what I’m about to share.
The Richest Man In Babylon
While engrossed in my reading of “The Richest Man In Babylon,” I had an epiphany regarding the significance and practicality of allowing individuals to learn from their own experiences, whether or not they receive external support. Within the book’s narrative, Arkad, widely regarded as the richest and wisest man in Babylon, faced a dilemma concerning his son, Nomasir.
Arkad was reluctant to pass on his vast fortune to Nomasir without ensuring that he possessed the necessary skills to manage it wisely. As a solution, he presented Nomasir with a pouch brimming with gold and a clay tablet containing the five rules of gold. He then instructed his son to embark on a journey of living and traveling for a duration of ten years, after which he should return.
This narrative exemplifies the timeless concept that experience is a formidable teacher. It reinforces the idea that while imparting knowledge and guidance is essential, allowing individuals to venture into the world and learn from their own encounters is equally crucial. Arkad’s approach not only promotes personal growth but also encourages self-reliance and the cultivation of one’s judgment.
“The Richest Man In Babylon” serves as a reminder of the significance of experiential learning and the empowerment that comes from allowing individuals to embark on their unique journeys of discovery. It inspires us to embrace the opportunities that life presents, both triumphs and setbacks, as valuable lessons that contribute to our personal and financial development.
Statistics show that first-generation immigrants often do well economically than the subsequent generations. I think this is mostly due to the fact that they rarely ever had anything handed to them. Rather, they struggled and strive for all they have. In their quest for survival, they learn all sorts of life skills that will help them in the future.
Once the second generation comes around (depending on the scenario), they are already born into something akin to wealth, and they might never have to struggle for anything. They have everything handed to them. While they are saved from the inconveniences that come with struggling to make it, they are also robbed of the opportunity to have an adventure in their quest for survival.
Although sometimes, the second and following generations have to struggle to surpass the achievements of the previous generation. But are they able to do that when they have no life lessons that can help them along the way since they had everything handed to them?
The parents might develop some sort of Oedipal Complex and hand everything to their kid, and this will forever keep their child merely as a child and nothing else. The child for long (or forever) will dependently be tied to the parents. This is also an explanation of why “only child” kids are the most spoilt. They are usually the best examples of “trust fund kids”.
The Richest Man In Babylon is definitely a book I will recommend to you. It teaches different lessons through different lenses.
The BigPhaze Arc
I have a lot of sisters. Being the first male in the family already means that there are some expectations placed on me, even before I was an adult. Therefore, I had to grow up faster.
The way my mom raised me is quite different from the way she raised my sisters. While she raised us with an equal amount of love, she raised my sisters with an abundance of love. She sometimes would fail to punish them for their wrongdoings.
When my mom is happy with you, you will know for sure. But also when she’s angry? Trust me, you’ll know. Sometimes when she scolded me, you’d think she was an evil stepmother, or that I was adopted. She never spares the rod. Sometimes, after she’s done punishing me, I’ll plot my way of escaping from home and go astray. And trust me, I’ve had that experience of wanting to run away from home multiple times.
My mom never showed any sign of infantilizing me. Rather, she needed me to grow up quickly. Because I was an extreme introvert as a kid, she usually was happy each time I spent my day outside the house. My parents are immigrants, so they never let me have it easy. They saw the utility in my development beyond the confines of our house. This is exactly why they had me learn different skills.
I had to learn carpentry, tailoring, computer, bakery, and lots of odd jobs. I had to learn most of these while I was still going through school. My dad encouraged me greatly when it came to education. At the end of my primary school experience (elementary), my dad got me a PS VITA. This was the first time I had a console game. My dad got the console for me because I started and ended primary school with the first position in my classes.
Being a Gen-Z myself, I can tell boldly that the newer Gen-Z kids have it easier than I did. Naturally, this comes with its own advantages, and also disadvantages. Most kids today have phones before they are 10 years old. I didn’t even have my first Android phone until I was 15 years old. And I know how much I had to struggle to get it.
Kids today aren’t also allowed sufficient freedom to learn about life. Because my parents actively demanded that I spend less time in the house, I got to experience life from different perspectives. I had the opportunity to work for and with different people. Naturally, all these experiences accelerated my growth into a full-blown adult and also made me who I am today. I am a conglomeration of all my past and present experiences.
As a kid, I’d roll the tire of a motorbike from one community to another. If I’m not doing that, I’m riding bicycles from one place to another, doing dangerous stunts, and getting to know my own limits. Today, I have multiple scars on my legs, but each scar tells a story. From friends I lost along the way, and the childhood I’ll never have again.
The way kids are raised today is very different from how my own era of Gen-Z kids were raised. There is nothing with that. It is a fact that time changes, and rarely ever is it the case that people don’t change with it. If you after all don’t change with time, you’ll be left in the past.
Undeniably, most people today are victims of the Oedipal Complex. They are over-sheltered and overprotected. Most people can’t even do any random thing without getting their parent’s approval first.
Pathology Of The Oedipal Complex
People from the outside look at countries like the United States, Belgium, Britain, and other first-world countries as though they exist in another universe. The political and social arena of the US particularly is filled with all sorts of strange things. Or more appropriately, things that would appear strange to people like Africans and Asians.
It is clear that “Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times”. The only time some people from first-world countries have to worry is when their favorite restaurant doesn’t have a vegan option. Or McDonald’s doesn’t have the biggest soda on their menu. The leading cause of death in the US is heart disease. And it is mostly induced by obesity, which is also a major epidemic in the US and other Western states alike.
In some of their schools, “safe spaces” are created to shield them from ever having to hear or listen to opposing ideas. Is this the best way to raise kids? Can such people ever survive beyond the walls of their Garden of Eden? They are not raised to be strong. No. Rather they are raised to be cowards that are incapable of holding civil dialogues with anyone with opposing ideas. They are raised to be snowflakes.
These are some “first-world problems” as we say here in Africa.
A good number of Western mothers emasculate their children right from childhood under the LGBTQ guise that once a boy prefers dolls over toys, said child is automatically raised as a girl. And when the reverse is the case, the female child that prefers toys to dolls is raised (in the image of the mom/dad) to fit their pathological narrative of gender being a social construct.
They tell their kids that they were born in the wrong bodies. By doing this, they interfere with the child’s development. They sometimes even go so far as injecting the child with hormone blockers, or opt to mutilate their body parts before they reach the legal age of consent. These sets of children are called “trans-kids” whose development has been permanently altered.
The damage is irreversible. You can’t smoke, drink, vote, drive, etc, below the age of 18, but somehow, it is perfectly allowed (in some parts of the United States at least) for a child to be raised as a different sex than their biological reality. This is Freud’s idea of the devouring mother (as a pathology) that interferes with the growth of the child. This is despite the fact that a person’s brain is fully rational until the age of 25.
You know how crazy the world has gotten when parents think it is morally right to interfere and indoctrinate their children because it makes them appear as good people that are conforming to whatever ideology they belong to. How do you tell your kid that is yet to reason for themselves that they were born in the wrong body?
The pathology of the Oedipal Complex sometimes consciously and unconsciously manifests itself within parents. The psychological data is clear on the fact that children spend their first couple of years being driven by their ego. Sigmund Freud will argue here that the Super Ego and Id are yet to develop since we first develop a sense of self before we recognize any other thing. Even biologically, it takes a long time for the prefrontal cortex of a child’s brain grows.
This brings me to the final segment of this write-up.
The Good Mother Fails
What could it be except for an act of bravery for the good mother to fail? Fail to help her child every step of their life, fail to help the child get past a difficult point on their own when they can step in to help, to dare take that leap of faith that the child wouldn’t abandon her when they get the opportunity. To dare offer her child to the world, so that the adventure they face might turn them into proper adults.
Constant and excessive parental control only limits and interferes with any child’s proper development through the stages of life. People have potential. The potential only manifests itself when you are put in a situation where you’d have to unlock it.
Parents who infantilize their children or excessively interfere with their growth may hinder their emotional development. By treating children as perpetual dependents, parents prevent them from learning emotional resilience, independence, and self-regulation. Children need the space to experience and navigate a range of emotions, and interfering excessively can impede their emotional growth and maturity.
Also, children learn through exploration, trial and error, and problem-solving. By constantly intervening and taking over tasks, parents deprive children of valuable learning experiences. We are species that like exploration. All of our evolution and history is filled with the desire to explore and always push ourselves beyond known and unknown limits. We always long for an archipelago — that which is not yet known. Cognitive development is stimulated when children are allowed to make decisions, think critically, and find solutions independently. Excessive interference can hinder cognitive growth and limit their ability to think for themselves.
In summary, parents should avoid the Oedipal complex of infantilizing and interfering with their child’s growth in order to promote healthy emotional development, foster self-confidence, encourage healthy boundaries and identity formation, support cognitive development, facilitate healthy relationships and social skills, and ultimately promote lifelong independence.
The good mother necessarily fails. This is the antidote to the Oedipal Mother.
This is my longest write-up yet. If you’ve made it this far, I can only believe that you have a very long attention span. I envy that.
Thank you for reading. I also hope that you enjoyed your time on this page. You can find me on Twitter here.
Until next time. Cheers!
