Recipes for Suffering: Lamb Meatballs and Yogurt Sauce

B.M.
B.M.
Sep 3, 2018 · 3 min read

When I snapped out of it Tom was holding my hand. Seconds before I was lost in roaring sound that filled my ears and a white light that completely blinded me. He said I was squeezing his hand like I was trying to hold on for life. He always had a high tolerance for crazy behavior in his friends. A few years before I was vomiting in a drug dealer’s front yard because I’d done too much cocaine. He took one look at my pupils and said we had to go to the hospital and I pleaded with him that we couldn’t, my Pakistani immigrant father would lose his mind. So he said the best thing I could do was throw it up and get it out of my system. I made myself vomit and Tom covered it up with rocks because he was afraid Scott, the drug dealer whose house we were doing cocaine at, was going to kill us.

Season ground lamb with minced onions, garlic powder (or fresh minced garlic), salt and pepper, a dash of olive oil and paprika. Let them sit for 15–20 minutes. An egg is optional as a binding agent but I feel like it’ll just get it too wet. While the mix is sitting (I left it out, covered with a towel and it was fine), start the yogurt. Mix greek yogurt, lemon juice, white wine vinegar, salt and pepper, diced cucumbers, and any one of the following herbs:

oregano
tarragon
dill
mint

Doesn’t matter which one. Season to taste and store in the fridge.

When I was very young I would see blue spots that were surrounded by their own red auras. I usually saw them at night. I convinced myself that they would only appear if I thought about them, and so whenever I reminded myself of them, there they were. When I was sitting on the bench with Tom I’d just taken a nasty bong rip. It was getting to the point where smoking weed was bringing on uncontrollable anxiety. It was no longer fun. I left the living room because I felt the same sensation coming on, that disassociation between my mind and body. I sat on the back porch, both of my legs twitching, my hands getting sweaty and gripping the arm of the bench. Tom came outside and asked me what was wrong. I mumbled something about not being able to feel my body. The spots appeared. I grabbed his hand and he let me squeeze it. The spots grew. They’d never done that before. They grew bigger and bigger and as they grew they became more and more pale and the red auras surrounding them disappeared while a rushing sound in my ears grew to a deafening roar and there was no longer any color as white took over everything.

And then all was well. I snapped out of it, it was over and I looked at him and apologized if I had hurt his hand.

Start the meatballs off in a cast iron pan. Olive or grapeseed oil. After a few minutes add red cooking wine for a braising effect, but leave uncovered and on a medium heat. Throw in a little balsamic vinegar too. I left it uncovered the whole time and it created a nice jus by the time they were done. Remove the meatballs and whisk the jus with the yogurt sauce to taste.