So it Begins…Becoming Visible

I never thought I would be creating an online journal, let alone a website or business of my own.

Being invisible is what I know, what I’ve always known. There is safety in anonymity.

I stay hidden behind the curtain, peek out, and watch all the players on the stage. From the safety of the shadows, I am free to imagine my role.

I’m the hero. I’m the villain. I’m the damsel in distress.

No risk

No reality

Becoming visible. That requires risk. Requires being seen. The spotlight shining.

Bright. Painful at first. I feel blind in the spotlight. My vision not used to that much light.

This endeavor is my first tentative step toward the light of being seen. Fully visible.

Real.

I wrote the above journal entry before stumbling upon the following article by an integrative counselor, coach, and neuroscientist called How to Stop Feeling Invisible.

I found the post straightforward and helpful and have included it here for you to read.

In it, she touches on the root cause of feeling invisible and outlines four steps to healing. She contends that feeling invisible starts in childhood due to neglect or trauma and a lack of reflection, sometimes called mirroring.

Healthy reflection from a loving and trusted caregiver gives us a sense of individuality and that our feelings and ideas matter. In essence, a sense of being real. Without this, we can float through life, evacuated from our bodies, feeling disconnected, like an observer of what we might call the “normal” people.

I agree with her contention that you must work with your core beliefs to heal the feeling of invisibility and that the journey takes time and effort. And we can’t look to the outside world to help us feel more visible, accepted, and whole. Core beliefs formed in childhood often reside outside our consciousness until, through some circumstance, internal or external, we begin to recognize patterns and question why we react, behave, or think the way we do. This is soul work. Inner work. Some of my core beliefs were: “It is not safe to be seen” and “I must make myself invisible to escape being noticed.”

The author gives examples of questions to ask yourself during her suggested steps to healing. For instance, from Step 1: Stop Hiding, “What part of myself needed to stay hidden during childhood?”

Asking myself painful and powerful questions and then listening, really listening for the answers, made a profound difference in learning to trust my inner voice and finding my way out of the shadows. Journaling and meditation were my listening tools.

It was slightly challenging to read how the author took my journey to become visible and broke it down, categorizing it into distinct steps with suggested questions and actions. I’m not sure why I found it challenging. Maybe because this process started spontaneously and evolved organically for me many years ago, which led me to believe it was unique to me. As though out of all the invisible kids in the world, I was the only one to discover the need to work with my core beliefs, ask powerful questions, heal my inner little girl, ground into my body, and train my awareness to notice and accept loving connection with others.

But I guess that is what being invisible means. You feel hidden and separate, thinking anything you experience is unique to you alone. We can even attach to the idea that we’re special because of what we’ve experienced, and no one can possibly understand us. This belief in our specialness provides a sense of security and a way of seeing the world, but it also separates us from the love and connection that heals us. It took me a long time to realize that childhood trauma results in universal patterns and symptoms, and I wasn’t alone. I had to give up seeing myself as special and unique because of what I’d been through (indeed, I’m still special and unique, just for other reasons) to start seeing myself as real, whole, and connected despite what I’d been through.

Finally, remember that childhood trauma and neglect can result in many challenges, and feeling invisible is only one of the many effects. If you feel invisible and need to be seen and heard on your healing journey, please speak with someone such as a trusted friend, therapist, or coach.

Blessings, Lyla