In Vancouver, the common problem statement women are expressing is that “Dating in Vancouver is difficult”. I’ve heard stories after stories of men saying and doing stupid shit that ruin their chances at something special. Some of these women that I’ve talked to are beyond amazing and men keep fucking up. This article is for both men and women out there and I hope it helps you in your search of finding love in a city full of negative stigma.
Men.
It’s time to put an effort into your dating experiences. The old adage of “Things will happen when it happens” is not good enough. Your love of your life will not show up and just fall in love with you with you standing there doing nothing.
EFFORT MATTERS
When you’re setting up a date, don’t give just one option. Give them 5. Why 5? Because it shows that you’ve considered other options just in case the person didn’t like your only choice. If you want to give a 6th option of “Whatever your suggestion is” then go with that if she chooses the 6th.
Let’s say you’re successful at securing the first date. You continue to put in the effort by getting to know the other person. Less about you, more about them. If they want to know more about you, they will ask. But take control and be the curious one. Why does this matter?
Knowing the person inside is the true person you’ll be dating. The exterior is an ever ageing challenge for everyone. Everyone will age and if you’re dating for physical beauty, you’ve already lost.
Let’s say the first date goes well and you’re onto the second, third, and fourth. The only thing you should remember is the amount of effort you put into it. The amount of effort will = the amount of return you will get back in the relationship. In return, I don’t mean sex, I mean the strength in the foundation of the relationship. Please also keep in mind, it should not be one-sided. Both partners should be putting in the effort to ensure that this can work out in the long run.
Relationships can go south when people stop trying and when people begin to feel entitled. Relationships are always a work in progress like life, it’s only different because there are two lives intertwined. If there is one thing anyone takes away from this article is that effort is everything.
COMMUNICATION MATTERS
Men, time and time again I’ve heard personal anecdotes of other guys not confident in their decision making and their words. First of all, don’t call your date babe, hun, sweetheart, sweetie, or those generic relationship babying words on the first date. Secondly, when the person who is interested in you asks you a question, give them the honest answer. Don’t be a wishy-washy idiot who can’t make a decision. If you don’t feel like doing something, simply deny the request and suggest another date another time. No one is obligated to do anything, but giving an honest answer is respect. If you don’t have respect, then you shouldn’t be dating another person. It’s a waste of everyone’s time.
Repeat after me: Be confident and honest with your thoughts, feelings, and decisions.
Women.
The common fear-based rationale I’ve been hearing is time. “The time is ticking, I need to meet someone, I’m getting older, I want to have kids eventually.” All super valid and I’m not denying the truths in those statements. But rushing into a relationship, ignoring the red flags, and not knowing your values will end up in other disasters.
Please know your values before you go on your first date with a guy online. It’s so much worse for women in online dating and that is why I believe it’s so much more difficult. For men, matches could be in the 1–10 range whereas women may have 50+ matches and you’re filtering through the minefield.
EFFORT MATTERS
Please put in an effort into your profile by having some type of prompt so that at least they have read your profile. Pro tip: Write something about yourself in 140 characters or less and then come up with a question that requires the person who responds to answer first. If they answer that question, that means there is a possibility they read about you and not just your looks. That’s a quick filter tip to sift through the amount of shit that is in your inboxes.
Also get off Tinder if you’re looking for something meaningful. That is the root cause of the issue, men are on Tinder mostly on the basis of hooking up. MINIMAL EFFORT REQUIRED compared to other apps like Hinge where there is a bit of effort required to complete a profile.
Your argument is, “Everyone is on Tinder though so the chances are greater.” Yes, you are correct, everyone is on Tinder but that doesn’t correlate with quality people. You want to find someone who puts in the effort in wanting to know you for you and not you as in the exterior.
Also, girls, stop fat shaming yourselves. Please stop beating yourself up about your physical appearance. If the guy is dating you for who you are on the exterior, the game is lost already. You do you and if they don’t like it, move the fuck on, it wasn’t meant to be.
Highlight this: It wasn’t meant to be.
If men play games with you by making you think you’re crazy, ditch them asap. Men who can’t communicate are not worth your time and believe me, time is priceless. Be very strict who you give your time to and limit the amount of time for your dates. No one is entitled to your entire night if they are not quality people.
I use this analogy a lot with men and women, the road trip of life. In the road trip of life, there will be many stops, some will be rest stops where you will have one or two dates and then you continue on your journey. As you continue to drive, you may have a couple more rest stops but eventually, you’ll stumble upon a city where you’ve met your match. You’ll stay there and perhaps a long time, but maybe one day it won’t work out and you’ll be on your way again until you find your next city. It’s life, you never know where it’ll take you next.
In closing, for both men and women, be patient out there. Keep working at becoming a better version of yourself by learning your values, knowing what you want, and taking your time seriously. I hope I provided some value and as always, please reach out or comment below if you have any feedback.
Much Love,
Hipster Sensei
