Brave new world.
Carly was 19 when she fell pregnant. She had just moved from Queensland to Victoria, was in a new relationship and her mum had passed away six months ago.
For some, this would be enough to send them off the rails and hurtling down the hill at a rate of knots.
Not Carly.
Hers is a story of strength and determination and what’s possible when you get the support you need as you enter the brave new world of motherhood.
Statistics and media representations can paint a pretty grim picture of young mums: what they are more at risk of, the risks for their children and the kinds of behaviour and lifestyle choices they engage in.
What we don’t hear enough of is that, although younger mums face challenges that aren’t necessarily the same as women who have children later in life — having a baby can be a catalyst for change, growth and wellbeing you never could’ve imagined had you not become a mum at the exact time you did.
Carly is living proof.
“I think the general assumption is that young mums are isolated, lacking support and are going through a difficult time. Just because you’re a young mum doesn’t mean you’ve made a bad choice, wasted your youth or won’t be able to have the same opportunities as other women — in some ways you will have advantages and a lot of life experience other women your age don’t have, which can definitely be a good thing. More than anything, I felt that pregnancy and motherhood was a fresh start for me, and I felt healthier than ever in both body and mind. Becoming a mum gave me the motivation to start making better choices and lifestyle changes because it wasn’t just about me anymore.”
What does she see as making the difference for her?
Connecting with a group of other young mums through the Royal Women’s Hospital and having the dedicated support of a doula.
“My primary midwife who saw me throughout pregnancy was in another birth when I was labouring so without my doula Mei Lai it would’ve just been me and my partner. I had a really disempowering experience with my midwife who wasn’t very supportive of my choices and she made me feel like I had failed. My birth experience was going down a dark path and Mei Lai helped me turn it all around. She gave me the confidence to push through the hardest parts of pregnancy and birth. I didn’t have my mum to support me and Mei Lai helped to meet that need.”
Carly told us that since giving birth and working with Birth for HumanKIND, she’s met so many people who have asked her what a doula is. Her response?
“To me, a doula is someone who provides unconditional support for you, your baby and other people who are at the birth. It means having someone who can listen to your biggest fears and provide reassurance and knowledge. A doula isn’t afraid of birth, isn’t afraid of the pain and she trusts women’s innate strength and power to bring life into the world. A doula brings calm, reassurance and belief when the birthing woman’s belief in herself is slipping. She can make the difference between an empowered birth and a traumatic one, regardless of the type of birth the mother has. She acknowledges that there’s more to birth and pregnancy than a healthy mother and a healthy baby.”
Since giving birth to her son Huxley, whose name was inspired by the author of one of her favourite books Brave New World, she’s become passionate about helping other young women who are pregnant and lacking the support that is crucial during birth and early parenting.
She co-facilitates Birth for HumanKIND’s young mums peer and education support program, Mothering 101, and she’s created a resource booklet (available for download here) for other young mums and participants in the program. Carly is also a member of the board of directors.
But perhaps most importantly, she is the inspiration behind the establishment of Birth for HumanKIND!
We exist to make sure women just like Carly feel safe, cared for and supported during their pregnancy, birth and early parenting so they can become the kind of mums they want to be.
And lastly, what does Carly want you to know about Birth for HumanKIND?
“I want people to know that Birth for HumanKIND is bridging the divide between a woman’s personal circumstances and quality of care. The women they support aren’t in a position to privately source a doula, but they are women who absolutely need and deserve to have a doula by their side who will listen to them and empower them with knowledge, skills and strategies that make a huge difference in their journey to motherhood. I think it is a vital service.”
Carly is a young mum and core part of Birth for HumanKIND’s team, developing resources and co-facilitating sessions in our young mums education program: Mothering 101. She has also been involved as an adviser, advocate and presenter for various projects at The Royal Women’s Hospital and is on the board of Birth for HumanKIND as a general director. Not bad for 23!
Hers is the second story in a 12-part series to celebrate World Doula Week. Donate here to Birth for HumanKIND’s fundraising campaign and be part of a movement putting the kindness back into birth culture. For more information on the services we provide and who we support, please visit: www.birthforhumankind.org
