Strategy planner wanted!

Or someone who’s just as lost as me.

Sometimes I wonder

What life could have been

If I wouldn’t have decided

To let the universe fuck me in the arse

So hard

I could feel my guts hit my gullet

Depriving me of oxygen

Whilst it was grinning its white teeth at me in satisfaction


Sometimes I dwell

Longing back to a time

Where dawning brought buoyancy

Dusk had me in climax

And as soon as the sun had settled

There were peace


Sometimes I surrender

Accepting what is

Capitulating at the fact

That tomorrow will not bring me comfort

Nor joy

Just more agony

And even louder voices in my head

Unsatisfied with the beating of my heart

Yearning for its silence


But most of the time

I fight back

Channeling my anger

And directing it towards everything that isn’t my own discomfort

Trying to find to find a way up

From the hellhole I’ve dug myself in


Only to realize

I’ve been doing it wrong all along.