People protesting against ISIS

101 Reasons why our way is best

This article is for ISIS. I know they won’t read it. So, it is also for you and for me as much as it is for them — those cowardly, unthinking bastards, who, lest we forget are the cause of as much suffering in their own countries as they are here. Maybe by some miracle they will read this and say to themselves something like: “Allah now lads; maybe this gin swilling, flame haired infidel has a point… so, let’s stop killing people needlessly and just go dancing in the street?” I highly doubt it. And anyway, I am an agnostic so I don’t believe in miracles. Even so, here is my non-exhaustive list of reasons to live, and, yes, dance in the street.

  1. When an absolute banger of a tune comes on and you think ‘Fuck, I forgot how much I love this song.’
  2. Noisy dog farts.
  3. Actually. Dogs.
  4. And cats.
  5. Especially cats chasing dogs.
  6. Making fun of politics and arguing with people about politics because it’s all in good fun and you can’t do anything about it anyway, except make a joke.
  7. Glorious self expression: hair dye, piercings, tattoos dedicated to mammy.. anything goes.
  8. Art galleries that you can walk into. For free! And stare at paintings and sculptures, while trying not to bump into your fellow art appreciators.
  9. A big gin and tonic / Pint of guinness — ideally one that isn’t too soft / Glass of wine that somehow becomes half a [hic] bottle / Cidona, especially if you drink it so fast it goes up your nose..
  10. The smell of the rain.
  11. When a small child gives you a massive toothy grin, and you feel like you’ve been chosen.
  12. Discovering a new city.
  13. Rediscovering a familiar old city
  14. A soft warm blanket that makes you feel safe and warm and ensures everyone fecks off and leaves you alone.
  15. The smoking area of the pub after midnight, when there’s a few worse for wear, most are only getting started, and everybody’s guard is slipped just a little bit.
  16. The flawless honesty of drunkards.
  17. Finding twenty quid in your jacket pocket and triumphantly putting it in your wallet.
  18. Seeing a small, fat bird like a robin or a blue tit hopping around in the garden without a care in the world.
  19. When people give teenagers the respect they deserve but often don’t get.
  20. Teenagers giving their elders cheek and pushing the boundaries, because that is what they do. And would we have it any other way?
  21. The proud “good for them” feeling you get when you hear about people close to you getting married, engaged, pregnant, buying houses etc.
  22. Getting invested in a TV programme.
  23. Squealing like a piglet with hysteria when you see an actor from a favourite show is cast in the current thing you’re watching
  24. WikiHows
  25. British sitcoms and their unapologetic brash brilliance. Peepshow, Monty Python, Blackadder, Fawlty Towers, Mr. Bean. Watch them all and appreciate — and laugh at — the human condition and it’s unconditional tendency to fuck everything up.
  26. Getting exasperated at the TV when people are being stupid on it. “No, don’t open that door you idiot!” or “ohmyfuckengod did he just say that?” or even “oh not this nutcase on about that again..”
  27. Books. Glorious books. From Penguin to Mills and Boon to Harry Potter to Martin Amis; just read something, anything.
  28. Watching other people do something you yourself are dreadful at, and enjoying their talent.
  29. Dancing. Especially if you are a terrible dancer.
  30. Scraped knees and hugs from sympathetic adults.
  31. Funny doctors and kind, sainted nurses in hospitals making things easier.
  32. Letting kids win at games.
  33. Laughing so hard you wet yourself.
  34. A shower that feels just right — not too hot or too cold.
  35. Having good hair.
  36. Being in a stable relationship.
  37. Looking at the pets in the petshop. My favourites are the rats, mice, rabbits, chinchillas, and meerkats.
  38. Doing accents.
  39. Giving your friends mini heart attacks by doing something completely unexpected.
  40. Redecorating
  41. Giving somebody a present they love.
  42. Sleeping and dreaming and knowing you are safe in bed and tomorrow is another day.
  43. Hearing an anecdote from someone you’ve lived with for a long time for the first time.
  44. Being introduced to a new genre of music.
  45. A fucking amazing guitar riff. Awwww yeeeahhhh
  46. When certain songs — I’m talkin bout you Bohemian Rhapsody — come on and EVERYONE starts going mental and singing or miming along, and for a brief moment there is a magical atmosphere in the room.
  47. Eating someone else’s birthday cake.
  48. Slagging a sibling affectionately.
  49. Reading a newspaper.
  50. Sex on the beach — the cocktail and the activity. This is a non judgmental zone lads.
  51. Autocorrect mishaps.
  52. Walking on the beach. (No, autocorrect, that’s not supposed to be wanking on the beach.. although Joycean fans may beg to differ. They are disgusting people, never trust a James Joyce fan.)
  53. Samuel Beckett!
  54. David Bowie and the way he might look at ya.
  55. A comfortable pair of shoes that can take you anywhere. I like Docs myself.
  56. When an older person tells you stories about their life long ago and you are filled with respect and also a sense of how the fuck did ye survive back then.
  57. Feminism. Equality for the genders. Men being nice to women. Women being nice to men. Women being nice to women.
  58. The moment before your team scores the winning score and you go apeshit because you are so happy and you fucking love winning
  59. Getting a letter that isn’t a bill or junk mail.
  60. Feeling the wind on your face.
  61. Sea air.
  62. The tired feeling you get after a long days physical work.
  63. Eating something you cooked yourself.
  64. A hug from someone you love
  65. Going to the theatre and the anticipation it brings. Hoping what you’re about to see performed by live bodies is good.
  66. Forgiving somebody
  67. Forgiving yourself
  68. Learning a ridiculous fact: chickens do not expel urine.
  69. Hearing a silly joke that has the potential to make even pun lovers groan: What’s E.T short for? Because he has little legs.
  70. Disagreeing with somebody respectfully and having an interesting discussion/banter.
  71. Comfortable silence.
  72. Looking in the mirror and liking most of what you see if not all of it.
  73. Compliments
  74. People telling you you are good at your job, which you like doing anyway.
  75. Children cursing. Why is it so funny?
  76. That awkward little dance you do when you meet a stranger in a crowded street and you get in each others way.
  77. Picking yourself up after a fall holding back tears knowing you’ll be grand because you’ve survived worse.
  78. Dawdling. Idlers and timewasters know we could have been Nobel Prize winning physicists, accomplished musicians, gold medal winning Olympian athletes, Forbes Magazine’s richest entrepreneurs… but we gave it all up to devote ourselves to a life of daydreaming, idling, and dawdling.
  79. Tall tales.. usually courtesy of your favourite idler n dawdler.
  80. Realising and appreciating that everyone is different.
  81. Having the wherewithal to tell someone who is giving you or someone you’re close to a hard time to “get fucked”
  82. When someone drops a glass in a bar and all the lads clap. Did you know that dropping a glass in a bar is a call to arms of sorts for lads?
  83. Learning a new skill.
  84. Good natured debates with friends. Not everyone has to agree on everything all the time.
  85. Having friends that let you tease them mercilessly. See above.
  86. Getting dressed up to go out and get legless. A mistake we all make.
  87. A nice cup of tea. Black, no sugar. Even George Orwell had opinions on how to make the perfect cup of tea. He liked a drop of milk in his. Heinous.
  88. Good baristas. The key to good coffee, which itself is the key to productivity.
  89. Memes.
  90. Social vices. Schadenfraude/Petty jealousy/Snobbyness/Egomaniac..pick one; anything goes except maybe public masturbation. Yeah don’t do that.
  91. Long journeys. With many pitstops and great company
  92. Garden parties in the summertime
  93. Nice clothes. Whatever your definition of nice is. Religious zealots and their weird love hate relationship with mini skirts need not apply
  94. Festivals that celebrate togetherness. Christmas, Hanukkah, Halloween, Ramadan, your goldfishs birthday..
  95. Sex. It’s less pretentious than ashtanga yoga.
  96. Getting your own house or the keys to your apartment and revelling in the independence.
  97. A cathartic bitching session with people you trust.
  98. Finding a bargain in the midst of this capitalist dystopian hell. Ha!
  99. Feeling loved.
  100. Loving safely.
  101. Living safely.

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