I am Blondilox and this is my story.
Who am I? I’m Laura Kate, I’m an ambitious all or nothing, creative and slightly crazy 25 year old. I’m very direct and honest (sometimes this gets me into trouble); I’m a free spirit who can be very private and perhaps guarded at the best and worst of times. Writing this down was a real cathartic experience for me to be able to finally articulate my feelings, when at the time your head feels like a cloud of confusion and frustration that can’t process or accept what is happening and simply isn’t clear. This blog also allows me explain to those who maybe didn’t understand what was going on with me at the time. So as well as writing this for personal reasons I also want to share this with a hope that if anything it makes you believe in yourself and can leave you feeling a bit inspired- inspiration and creativity makes the world go round, I think anyway!
For years I have suffered with my stomach, a form of IBS, bad digestion and intolerances to certain foods which have caused bloating and leaving me feeling uncomfortable after eating since my early teens. I remember staying at friends houses where I would be laying awake all night with horrific cramps, to times at school and at work situations whereby the afternoon I would be waiting for the end of the day to get home as I was feeling so sluggish and uncomfortable. I had just dealt in silence and got on with it but in the last few years I’d had enough and as healthy eating become more widely discussed and popular I started to cut out food groups and try micromanaging my diet. So combine managing this with my personality of being a control freak, mixing it up with stress, well you do the maths and I am sure you can guess what happened next. It led me to a burn out and a challenging battle. It came to a head and took its toll in 2015 and after feeling like I lost control over my career and generally pretty lost in life, I burnt out both physically and mentally. I know now that it has always been a part of me and stress was its trigger. My personal battle is about control; control over what would go in my mouth, how much I would allow myself to eat and how ‘healthy’ it is.
2015 was the toughest challenge I’ve faced in my life so far. Aside from being underweight I felt constantly cold with low energy, heavy and sore eyes (zombie eyes I call them), constant outbreaks on skin, my hair has been limp and weak, insomnia, a weakened bladder and problems with my menstrual cycle and bones to name but a few physical affects. For me the worst part of this was the loneliness, shame and isolation it brings to you mentally. It completely shakes your world and changes a lot of what you face on a day-to-day basis. You begin to preempt and plan every single thing you do. What is on the menu that I can eat without feeling guilty, how can I get out of this dinner, to making mental notes in your head of what exactly you are allowed to eat and at what times throughout that day. It’s an obsession that causes social anxiety, devours your energy and you as a person. You lose yourself and ultimately you become the illness. I could go into more detail on the effects but I don’t see the point, if you have battled this or are currently battling it you don’t need to be reminded and I also realise if you don’t suffer with it then it can never be fully understood. It’s awful for the person suffering but also for the family involved, the frustration it causes for them is really trying and the illness ultimately affects everyone. For me my mum was my healer and angel, I will never be able to thank her enough. Without my family’s stability and love I could very well of ended up seriously ill. I may be biased but they are the best so this is also a thank you to them!
Flipping this story on its side and kicking its ass on my road to recovery I developed an even bigger passion for the health food and wellbeing industry, which led me to this, the start of my business Blondilox. Ask anyone who knows me, I love my breakfast and I love my oats. Porridge and oat bars are my favourite, they always have been and oats are a ridiculously good superfood. So I decided I wanted them to rebuild me and restore my relationship with food. I was also inspired from a trip to Copenhagen after visiting a porridge cafe and also discovering one in London when I was living there. Knowing I was to be moving back home to Scotland after years of being a gypsy searching for my ‘thing’ I had an epiphany and knew this was to be my first business. Porridge but stirring up the game, with no rules but always making it healthy, clean and creative with different bases, toppings and in alternative ways. I am building Blondilox via Instagram, I want everyone eating Blondilox and I would love to have a home in Edinburgh (to start with) where you can grab a stool and have a bowl- so I guess basically world domination is my goal for Blondilox. Blondilox is now my business and also my personal health journey so I can’t wait to see where it will take me!
I know that there are millions of people suffering with their own battles, it knows no gender, no age and has no limits- that is the dangerous part. There is no label you can give someone because everyone is dealing with something that is their own and not the same as the next person, there is no right or wrong when it comes to recovery and there are no rules (I don’t like rules if you haven’t guessed already)! If you are currently going through this or have someone close to you going through it then I can tell you one thing- you will find who you are, it is not permanent and this will pass, I promise. I’m not saying I’ve overcome my demons by no means, it does not just go away, all I’m saying is that I have faced it and I am battling it uphill everyday and I’m determined to manage it in a healthy way, because frankly I want to be well, healthy and look great. My philosophy is that you can always turn struggle and pain into potential and opportunity, that is if you believe that you are capable of something fabulous, which I do and so should you! I hope to help others as I grow, this is very important for me and what Blondilox stands for.
The battle gave me the idea I feel I have been searching for all my life. And that’s what the core of Blondilox stands for, hustle (My favourite word). A hustle to overcome and create, whatever that may be and in my case that’s porridge!
If you do want to get in touch I would love to hear from you so drop me message to firstname.lastname@example.org and please follow my journey across socials @iamblondilox