
The Gentle Art of giving useful feedback…
Useful feedback falls somewhere on the spectrum, between the chocolate medal and shot in the head. The chocolate medal style is characterised by one tiny slip of a critical remark, covered in enough sugar to make you a diabetic for the rest of your working life. Shot in the head style, otherwise known as grab them by the balls (before the feminist days) and twist the knife, is not for the faint-hearted, as it usually comes with a degree of public humiliation.
So how to find the happy medium, give something of value and not waffle on senselessly in the quest to protect someone’s fragile sense of self? Which, by the way, is really nice of you. Start with the below:
· Beneficence — make sure whatever you say is for the benefit of the person and not your ego fertilizer.
· Humility — remove your sense of superiority and super vision — most of the time, unless you are a super human your super vision is just another way of looking at things, and while at times useful, it is not always the best and only way to view things. A wise person once said, opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. So be humble and remember that, should the tables turn as they will one day, you are just as full of holes.
· Collaboration — at the beginning of the session, ask the person how they would like to receive their feedback and adopt your style appropriately. If you are as smart as you think you are that should be a piece of cake. Give them something nutritious, in a form that they can easily digest.
· Bridge — no, not the one to build and get over it. This kind off sums up the other points, but since feedback is like an open ego surgery I want to go all broken record. Bridge the power gap through collaborative approach, where things are discussed and agreed upon by both parties. I know, I know it takes more time and it is messier, but if doctors can do it you can also. And that’s where the medical best practice is at, demi-gods come down to talk with the earthlings, rather than pronounce infallible and often cryptic diagnosis. At the end of the day you are just two people, who make mistakes, at a different side of this thing called feedback.
