Why I’m Supporting Donald Trump’s Presidential Campaign, by Sheev Palpatine
Dear citizens of the Galaxy,
I’ve written to you before about the wonderful holodrama that frequently graces the tables and screens of worlds across the many systems of the great Republic, of which I am the greatest and humblest leader. This holodrama, Politics of the Eagles, tells the story of a species confined to a single planet, and focuses on a nation within this planet that engages in politics not altogether unlike our real world. For the past year, the plot arc has centered on the apparent “villain,” Donald J. Trump, and his efforts to become the leader of the United States of America.
I’m here to suggest, as I have in previous articles, that Donald Trump is not in fact the villain of the series, but its hero. Like myself, he finds himself the leader of a nation at war on multiple fronts — a nation which, like ours, utilizes children brainwashed from birth to support war as well as excellently targeted, tactical droid strikes to destroy its enemies. Like me, he asks important questions — for instance, he wishes to have greater access to “nuclear weapons,” a fictional technology from the Politics of the Eagles universe which is obviously modeled on much of the weapons technology developed by the Sith. Just as I ask, “if we have the Dark Side, why shouldn’t we use it?”, Mr. Trump advocates for the deployment of nuclear weaponry to defeat his nation’s enemies.
Another characteristic I share with Donald Trump is that we believe in training apprentices — but if they disappoint us, they are fired. While Trump has fired an unrealistic number of apprentices — several dozen at this point, I believe — you will note my own track record shows that I have trained at least four individuals in the Sith arts. None of them have met my standards because, like Donald Trump, I accept only the best.
In conclusion, citizens of this great Republic, I urge you to look at Politics of the Eagles from a new perspective — consider that Mr. Trump may, like myself, be the best chance for peace, and justice in the galaxy.
Supreme Chancellor Sheev Palpatine, aka Darth Sidious