Wine knowledge for normals, Part I: Bare-bone basics

Dry, sweet, light, full, new, old — here’s a basic guide to understanding some of those fancy-ass wine words.

Okay, here we go.

I’ve stated before that the study of wine can be seemingly endless. The amount of varietals (that’s the name of the grape used to produce the wine and often lends the wine its name) and blends and types of wine is staggering. It’s super easy to become overwhelmed and intimidated by the whole thing. I mean, just take a look at this ridiculous infographic from the super awesome WineFolly.com (seriously, if you ever want to know wine like a fat kid knows cookies, visit the site):

What the WHAT.

Derrrrrp?

I recently completed my level 1 wine course with the WSET (Wine & Spirit Education Trust), and that class did an excellent job of cutting through the fat and distilling wine right down to the basics.

But it still took eight hours.

So I’m going to take it upon myself to cut that shizz down even more so that any layperson who wants a basic grasp on wine can have at it. You won’t be a sommelier at the end of this series because I certainly am not. But you will, hopefully, feel a little more confident navigating a wine list, or participating in a conversation about wine with your boss at your next company get-together.

“What’s your favourite varietal, Mr. Bossman?” Boom! You instantly sound hella smart. Promotion for you!

Old World, New World, Wayne’s World… Wait, what?

You may have heard people talking about preferring “Old World” over “New World” wines (or vice versa) and had no damn idea of the difference yourself, leaving you smiling and nodding and feeling like an idiot. Here’s the difference, via WineSpectator.com:

“The most basic difference between Old World and New World wines is geographic: ‘Old World’ refers to the traditional winegrowing regions of Europe, while ‘New World’ refers to everything else.”

Europe = Old. Canada, the US, Australia, New Zealand, etc. = New. That is the most basic way to put it. This is a hugely broad definition, but if you’d like to go more in-depth, there’s this awesome thing called Wikipedia. I’m just trying to save you time and your sanity. Kapishe?

Colour, sweetness, body, and other stuff

First some science:

Sugars (from grape juice) + yeast (yeast yields alcohol and CO2 by consuming the sugar) + heat = wine!

There are three colours of wine: red, white, and rosé. Simple enough.

There are also three basic levels of sweetness to wine. These are:

1. Dry. A great chunk of wine you come across on your generic liquor store shelves will fall into this category. Science: In these wines, the yeast has consumed all the sugars present in the grape juice and turned it into alcohol and CO2. Examples: Sauvignon Blanc, Champagne Brut, Chianti, Cabernet Sauvignon.
   Note: It’s very common to shorten “Cabernet Sauvignon” (which is red, btw) to “Cab Sauv” when ordering, but please, please pronounce it “Cab S-OH-v” (long “O”) and not, like some people do, “Cab S-AH-v”. The first time I had someone order it from me this way, I had no freaking idea what they were talking about.
2. Medium. These wines are usually white or rosé, and are not as thickly sweet as, say, dessert or ice wines. There’s just a pleasant hint of residual sweetness when you swallow. Science: To make these wines, unfermented sweet grape juice is added to a dry wine, or the winemaker removes the yeast early before it has time to eat up all the sugar. Examples: Riesling (and many wines from Germany), White Zinfandel.
3. Sweet. These are the sweetest (duh), thickest, and richest of all the wines. Science: The grapes used to make these wines are so sugary that the yeast dies out before it can eat it all up. Examples: Sauternes, ice wine.
   Note: There are also “fortified wines” which, while sweet, undergo a different winemaking process wherein extra alcohol is added which kills the yeast and stops fermentation. Examples: Lillet Blanc, Sherry.

Damn, where’d you get that body from?

Actual wine glasses that actually exist in actual reality.

When people talk about the “body” of a wine, they’re referring to how that wine feels in your mouth when you’re sipping. Wine can feel light-bodied, medium-bodied (these are usually aged in oak barrels, or “oaked”), or full-bodied (usually made with riper grapes and oaked).

So think about your favourite beverages when trying to decide what kind of body you’d prefer in your wine. Would you prefer a glass of ice water with a bit of lemon right now? Go lighter. Or would you love a cup of creamy hot chocolate like nobody’s business? Go fuller.

Light-bodied reds include Pinot Noir and Beaujolais. Light whites include Pinot Grigio and Chablis.

Medium-bodied reds include Burgundy and Merlot. Medium whites include Riesling and Gewürztraminer.

Full-bodied reds include Cabernet Sauvignon and Shiraz (which is, by the way, the same thing as “Syrah” — it’s simply a different translation of the same varietal). Full whites include Chardonnay and Viognier.

The other stuff

A few other simple factors to consider when tasting a wine are the presence of oak, the presence of tannin, and the level of acidity.

If a wine is “oaked”, it simply means it’s been fermented or matured in oak barrels or casks. But this simple step imparts some pretty crazily distinct flavours to a wine. Oak tends to add a vanilla essence and a buttery note to whites, and a spicy flavour to reds. Try an oaked Chardonnay next to an unoaked Chardonnay — you will immediately taste the difference in richness and mouth-feel as the unoaked Chard (an acceptable bar-shortening of the name, pronounced “shard”) will be more acidic and sharp.

Tannin is something that comes from the skins of dark grapes, and is therefore generally only found in reds. White wines do not, by the way, have to come from white grapes — the grape skins are simply removed at the beginning of the winemaking process, as it’s the skins that impart the colour of the wine. When making reds, the skins are left on and skins = tannin!

Tannin is what leaves your mouth feeling dry when drinking wine. Try peeling the skin off a red grape, and eating just the skin. Not too pleasant, I know. But tannin is a common wine component that adds an extra level of structure, body, and complexity. Without it, a lot of the reds you know and love would be seriously lacking.

Acidity is my personal favourite basic component of wine tasting. It comes from the juice of the grapes, and it helps balance sweetness. It’s what makes wines like Sauvignon Blanc (one of my favourite whites) so crisp and refreshing. It helps cleanse your palate and keeps the wine from being too cloyingly sweet.

On that note: are you wondering what the heck this “palate” is you keep hearing people talk about when it comes to tasting wine? If all you can picture is this:

WRONG.

Then you best stay tuned for the next installment in this casual journey through wine basics. I’ll cover the noble wines, which are — as the name suggests — the royalty of the wine world. Plus, I’ll give you a handy tasting cheat sheet to help you begin to develop your palate (which is, by the way, in your face-hole).

However! Winterlicious begins here in Toronto tomorrow, loves, so I will probably be somewhat of a ghost for the next two weeks as the people of the Tdot need their prix fixes and I will be busting my ass to keep them happy. But stay tuned regardless!

UPDATE: This bangin’ series continues here.

Marta S is a freelance writer and bartender living and working in Toronto. She also has a nifty monthly column called Behind the Boîte, profiling the personalities in Toronto’s independent food & beverage scene. Email her at marta@behindtheboite.com.