The Purpose of Investigating Nothing
Boredom itself persists in my life due to a multitude of reasons, which are, but not limited to: depression, engaging in activities that I feel no reward or interest in, inability to participate in engagements that are exhilarating, the meaningless spaces of time which don’t serve any meaningful purpose other than monotony, my ADHD and inability to pay attention to a singular task for an extended period of time, lack of events that provide memorable sustenance, creativity that far exceeds the mundane and banality that life provides everyday (albeit, I am grateful for the security that I am offered in the everyday), et cetera. This role may be hidden behind the guise of the irritating, dull, and obscure; this may also be a cause for my demure nature when wanting to engage in activities that I personally cannot convince myself to take part in. Another hypothetical reason that may lead me to emptiness is hypersensitivity to space and actions around me that consequent in a shutdown from the flooding of emotions; and/or years of building walls meant to shut out all the negative experiences that I have undergone. This vacant feeling becomes a sense of the vacuum, where nothing lies within my soul or body; it is the Void that has been correlated to all things negative . Reclusive in nature, I come to my senses that the best way to occupy spaces is by not-being, so that the entirety of the space that I occupy can just be; but in a relative scope of the human mind, this becomes monotony. Everything becomes nothing.
In my own understanding of nothingness, it is a direct response to the existence of a something. In order to exist, there must be things that have no potential for manifestation in the particular moment due to an inclusive measure of a limited energy source (the seemingly infinite universe/multiverse). Nothingness is like the white space between two forms, the space in between notes that create music, and the overall theme that resonates from relations of space and time create in the context of where it is placed chronologically. Albeit that there lacks any existence of matter, it is still charged with tension and relations to what we do know of in our understanding surroundings, archetypes, preconceived notions, symbolism, etc. All of which may just be paradoxical in the particular realm that we exist within.
To further engage in contemplation of the subject and to satiate my bouts of curiosity on this dilemma that I’ve bene experiencing, I’ve went to lengths to research the background of boredom, the recognition of it, and how it functions through multiple scopes and perspectives inflected by the trend of the thought’s time, all seen in [Notes on Boredom, Notes on Nothingness, Notes on the Void, The Void in Art and Science].
From my newfound knowledge on the matter, nothingness may not even be what I’ve understood it as. Nothingness may be the level of consciousness that cannot be perceived at an egocentric level, that nothingness is everything that cannot be described. In order for nothing to exist, humanity must cut at its whole to part it into something that we can begin to understand (Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance alludes to this by identifying truth as new discoveries that we destroy with each incision to the entirety of a situation). Nothing, in this sense, would be described as everything and everything else. The notions in modern science that lead to the discovery of not-being, yet still holding influence, may be a sign that there lies a dimensionality that cannot be deemed physical. It is an overarching power that introduces itself as influence with its non-existence.
Our fears of becoming one with the cosmos would direct us away from our egocentric consciousness, of which is mysterious and unknown to us. We fear becoming no-thing. It is against our nature to come back to where we may have derived from for we are agreeable with the freedom that is granted to us as individuals. Born in this is the anxiety that may be elicited from spaces, spaces that depict the Void, whether it is plentiful or scarce (horror vacui, the ocean, small spaces, etc.). This may be the root of my fear of learning about people, of strangers, of spaces that I am at unawares, of subjects that I can grasp too easily or lectures that I cannot absorb, of not knowing the time, of not having any relation to a certain set of coordinates, of what runs through my mind when I’m not present — of myself.
This in itself is fantastical and may not even be close to the reasoning, but a collective unconscious of no longer existence may have built up anxieties and tensions between humanity, which strives to exist and continue to exist with understanding and meaning, and the void, which continues to just exist and understand itself as an absolute plenum where no motion can take place. But what does this mean for me, us, and how we interpret the places we occupy and exist within? Will it ever help enlighten us by explicitly understanding less and less (not to be confused with feigning ignorance)? In the sense of art, how could I possibly deepen the mystery between nothingness through creation? These are only a few of the questions that have opened and closed doors simultaneously in reaction to this newfangled state of understanding.