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Leonhart
Don’t complicate my simplicity

Memoir lll: The Next Chapter

“I personally don’t believe people really grow. They just learn stuff when they were a kid, and hold on to it, and that affects every relationship they have.” — Donald Glover

Changes… So many changes in the past few months. It makes me wonder how much growth can occur in the next months ahead. Will it make me into a better version of myself than I am now or will it break me into a weaker one? Tell me, will the changes that are happening. in your life at this moment will it make you into the diamond you desire to be or turn you into coal you end up regretting? (Sounds deep right?) I remember talking to a friend explaining how I don’t feel like the same person 3 months ago that I feel like a new person and she just gave me a look of confusion. (I could of been mumbling that to her.) I guess everyone has their own way or time in changing; some make changes that takes years while others months, for me every 3 weeks or so. Changes can be seen physically, or notice mentally, emotionally, etc. Maybe changes never happen because that person is okay with where they’re at and that’s fine too. For the past 6 or so months let me share some stories/values I’ve learned and hope it shines some light in the areas that may have been on your mind as well. Not gonna preach to the choir, not gonna give you a sales pitch, just gonna tell you what’s been happening here (and hopefully you get a laugh out of it as you continue to read this).

I. Dating 101

“How’s your love life?” “How’s the girls treating you?” “When are you gonna get a girlfriend?” “Why a guy like you still single?” Blasé blasé yeah yeah.

Well… it’s definitely not a walk in the park however it’s not a drought over here either. Like most in my age group, online dating has been the option of choice. Couple Reasons:

  1. Places like work or social groups tend to be spots where people meet but if it doesn’t work out (which i’ve seen many times before) and tension happens afterwards, what do you do? You’re in a awkward position.
  2. More options to test the waters at a faster rate to figure out what you don’t want which will help you figure out what you do want. Seems legit right?
  3. Cause texting “hey how’s life” is easier than approaching a girl in person and trying to have small talk. (Take this reason as half joking, half not.)

Even though my reasons may not sound convincing to those that believe the online dating taboo, I decided I’d give Online Dating a chance and see where it goes and the results came back being good lessons (and stories to tell). For the most part, I’ve had some great conversations and connections while it was only a few that didn’t go well. Some of the things I’ve learned from my dating experience, that can be applied in other parts of life too, is that:

  1. Be authentic/transparent: If you stay true to yourself and your intentions it’ll reflect with your actions (for the most part). Don’t play the boyfriend material when you’re not trying to be in a relationship and definitely don’t be the Fücboi either just so you’re not caught in the friend zone. Be you homie and the rest will happen.
  2. Know what you want (and don’t want): I had times when after the date I had no interest in meeting up with that girl again and never did. And that only happened because I knew what I was looking for and what I wasn’t. Don’t invest your time into someone that doesn’t give you that spark you’re looking for. There’s always more fish in the sea as long as you allow opportunities to occur (and in life in general).
  3. Wear no cape: In the wise words of J. Cole, “Don’t save her! She don’t wanna be saved!” There’s no obligation to change someone’s life or make it better. If they change or become a better person because of you through the process great, but never walk into the relationship trying to change them to be “better”. (I had a girl tell me once that she can make me better and I smirked and said “good luck with that”.) They either have it or don’t have it at that moment and that’s absolutely 100% fine.
  4. Learn from each interaction to have a better connection the next time: I learned more about myself from the failures that occurred than the successes that I had.

No reply back/She Ghosted On You? Don’t take it personal, you have no clue what’s going on her side and don’t need to either, keep it moving.

Date went south? Now you know what you need to do to make it north and better.

Girl says you act like a Dad? No worries, take it as a compliment and find a girl at your level Old Soul (that last part did happen to me).

I told myself from all these interactions I’ll learn from them and will only continue to be a better genuine person.

5. Use this as a practice course to in person meet ups and dating: Online dating shouldn’t be anyone’s go-to to meet new people. That girl at the Starbucks that keeps giving you looks, talk to her. That other girl at the gym you’ve seen before from time to time, talk to her. That girl you see that’s playing Pokemon Go and is on Team Valor that has a 3000 CP Pikachu, definitely get her number cause I would choose her any day. Whether it goes well or not is part of the process and a step closer to a deeper connection.

In essence, online dating has opened opportunities to meet new people and learn new things about others that I wouldn’t have met before. I traveled to places in the area that I wouldn’t have gone, did things that I never done before like bowling, eat ramen in the city, and most importantly learned more about the other person’s story which we all have and all should be willing to share with another. Overall I had fun and since the summer is almost over (and i’m losing interest), gotta get ready for the next season approaching.

II. Failures

Oh failures… Failure is a part of growth and it took me a while to accept that instead of looking at it as a weakness or personal flaw. I get it, trust me. Who really wants to fail? Who wakes up at 6 in the morning and says “today is a new day and I can’t wait to fail 😀😀😀!” I can’t say I’ve been taking Meek Mill/Kat William type of Ls this year but the losses I made only helped me gain a different perspective and a different approach on life. I failed in many areas, many that aren’t worth talking (cause the list would take 10 minutes to read), but the biggest one I failed at was, myself; mentally, physically, and all the rest:

“I need a new life”. I said that to my homie one day and he looked at me and said “who says that?” (The guy that needs a new life does.) And even though it was a humorous sarcastic response I thought about it afterwards on what I said and I didn’t realize the context of it. Focusing on outside forces only made me forget about my inner being. Too busy trying to get certain items done, catering & serving others, I didn’t realize I wasn’t taking care of my wellbeing. What once was going to bed at 10 and waking up 4:30 in morning to work on building myself turned to staying up to 12 maybe even 2am and walking up at 7:45/8 to get ready for work at 8:30 (wasn’t cool at all). Books that I wanted to read started to collect dust. My passion for music started to decay as I didn’t invest as much time as I did, which now it’s even harder to get the creative juices flowing. 5 days of working out turned to 3, then 2, and now a “lol, yeah right” at times. Looking in the mirror, my eyes showing my soul, I didn’t see the man I envisioned to be, the man I know I can be, but instead I saw a man that everybody else wanted me to be. Who am I? I am the safe man. But even though that veil covers the safe man’s thoughts and actions, it can never veil the dreams and desires he has. What I should of said at that time was “I want my life back”. I want to sit down a read a new book a month and write dorky reports on them for personal reference. I want to stay in shape and feel like I’m not a pig. I want to get back being a creative and make the art I love making. I want to be me and slowly I shall. Physically I’m here, mentally somewhere away, and spiritually God only knows for this soul. Only time will tell…

The more I fail, the more I learn. The more I learn, the more I grow. The more I grow, the more I become whole. Your failures won’t define who you are, the actions that you make afterwards does.

III. Life Goals

It’s hard to settle. To settle on your goals. dreams, & aspirations. It’s hard for me to sip the bitterness of settling/defeat and accepting that your desires are only desires and will never become fruition. Life Goals. Forget about Relationship Goals, Pokemon Goals, Squad Goals, etc, what’s your Life Goal(s)? What are you trying to do with your life besides your worldly obligations? Have a legacy? Impact other lives? What??? A person told me it’s better to keep your dreams to yourself because most people will genuinely not know how to react/respond to them and at this time that I will and I get it. Once you put your dream out, idea, to the public, it’s fair game for anyone to interpret it and give their 2 cents. (I’m pretty sure there will be people that will have their 5 cents for this article i’m writing but hey, it’s fair game.) Moving in silence as I make each step. Maybe it’s because I’m 24 and I still believe in the possibilities of achieving my life goals that I think that way, that I can’t give up. Less distractions, more focus. I had another talk with one of my friends that’s chasing his dreams and he mentioned to me from his experience most people by the age of 25 accept what’s given to them and try not to take a risk in the unknown. I wish I could settle, blend in and be like the other people. At times I’m envious that I can’t refuse my life goals/personal legend while others can easily go through the motions. I’m jealous. Why are they so content or look content and I’m not? What do they see that I don’t or is it the other way around? I might be over analyzing and/or over simplifying the situation with those statement, but in essence it’s a struggle I’ve been having for years which I see others not having as much of it. Maybe it’s because my goals are more in the creative field where as the sciences or law have a pretty clear pipeline to reach whatever your goal is. Wanna be a lawyer? Study ya ass off and make sure you pass your exams and engulf yourself in the legal landscape via clubs, internships, and don’t focus your attention on any trivial events etc. You wanna be a creative? Lol, good luck with finding a pipeline to be successful in that bruh. Life goals. Are you living your goals, are your goals even living within you?

“You don’t write to please people, you write to express your soul.” — Paulo Coelho

As I end this, for these next months ahead and even going further to the next year, I want to be at a different chapter of my life. The chapter I write that has no Co-Authors. The life that I’m genuinely passionate at every single moment even when the highs and lows occur. The life I won’t regret, the life I truly own. As of now I’m a character in a story that has been written for me for quite sometime and as of now, with no interruptions, I plan to write the next chapter.

Currently Listening: https://soundcloud.com/dearkaynian/on-the-rise