I feel like I need a break right now. Not a small holiday…Maybe a few months of sleep.
Deb
21

Wanting to Die

I wanted to respond so you will know you are not alone. I also want you to know there is someone who understands and is not passing judgement.

I have no idea how serious you are about wanting to kill yourself. For all I know, you are being dramatic or sarcastic. If that is the case, there is nothing wrong with that. You are free to express yourself as you see fit.

I’m writing this in the event you mean every word in the literal sense.

Unless a person has been in your shoes, they can’t possibly comprehend why a person would contemplate suicide. Most people view suicide as a selfish and cowardly act. I am not those people.

I’m NOT saying anyone SHOULD commit suicide. I’m saying, I understand how killing oneself can be perceived as the best solution to a problem.

I understand how a person can truly believe their loved ones would be happier and better off if that person no longer existed.

I have been where you are.

Emotionally, I have found myself in a deep dark hole I couldn’t seem to climb my way out of. I know what it feels like to lose all feeling of hope.

I have felt so emotionally drained and have been so tired I couldn’t imagine finding the strength to keep going.

I have found myself surrounded by so much darkness, the only real light at the end of that dark tunnel was the idea of taking my own life. I have been so far gone, the very thought of killing myself was the only thing that gave me hope.

I tell you these things so hopefully you will listen when I tell you this…

If you are serious, about wanting to kill yourself, don’t just wait and hope the feeling will pass.

There is no guarantee tomorrow will be better. The feeling you have may linger for weeks or months. The longer you feel this way, the more likely you are to act on your desire to die.

I am going to ask you to do something for me.

Do this, even if it sounds stupid. Do this, even if you are certain it is pointless.

Right now…this very second dial this number: 1-800-273–8255

Talk to whoever answers. Tell them exactly what you are going through. Tell them everything. Be completely honest. Listen to every word they say.

Then, ask if they can tell you where, in your area, to go for help.

Now, I am going to ask you to do one last thing…

Even if you don’t want to…even if you don’t feel like it…even if you are too tired… humor me.

Get off your ass and go now! Not later. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Go now! Don’t be embarrassed. The people who work there have seen it all. Nothing you say will shock them. They will not judge you.

If you believe any of this is pointless, do it anyway. If you are positive it won’t work, do it anyway.

What do you have to lose? If I am wrong, you can always kill yourself another day.

If you ever want to talk, feel free to message me on Facebook.

For more information, go to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline website, by clicking the link or copy/pasting the following into your browser’s address bar…

suicidepreventionlifeline.org

…or call 1–800–273–8255