How To Break Up With A Friend With Benefits

Last night I told a great Friend With Benefits (FWB) that the thrill is gone.

We said we would be together til it wasn’t fun anymore.

I haven’t been very public about this arrangement but today I feel the green light to talk about my experience. Three years ago, I met a much younger man who literally rocked my world….in the back seat of a 1989 Toyota Celica.

It took him several weeks to get through the “Stay-The-Fuck-Away-From-Me” energy that surrounded me as i went through my divorce. But get through he did. “What’s a little cuddling amongst consenting cuddlers?” He texted me one night. My resistance dissolved.

Since then we have gotten together every couple of months for fun. The sex was great and the fact that it was the only thing we had in common was perfect for both of us. Parking lots, parks and alleys became make-out destinations. I never knew when he would be in town, so when he did show up, the sparks would fly.

He Never Promised More, Neither Did I

I trained myself to detach in a way I would have never thought possible. I began researching sex and pleasure. I started to question society’s view of sex and pleasure, monogamy and uneven libido in long term relationships.

Because he was not a reliable partner, I found safe and delicious ways to satisfy my now re-awakened sexual appetite. And all this time, I have not shared one word with you. Even though my life was being completely transformed now that my god given sexual energy was flowing again, women didn’t want to hear about it.

Men are fascinated and tell me time and again, “I wish more women talked like you talk.” The women around me not so much. Last night when I told my delicious FWB that I wasn’t feeling it anymore and that I was withdrawing the benefits, it was huge.

Last Night I Stood My Ground For Me

In my 64 years, I have given in to sex when I didn’t want to more times than I can count. Last night I stood my ground for me. He wasn’t so thrilled but by the end of the evening, all was fine. We always said we were in it til it wasn’t fun anymore. He had told me in the beginning that it was the women who tired of him. I didn’t get it then but I get it now. I will always adore this man.

Even though my Catholic upbringing and 20 years contented born again christianity would disagree with nearly every moment of the last 3 years, my mind, spirit, soul and body all sing out…YES!

Letting go of the benefits in my FWB arrangement feels like a graduation to me. I feel the Universe has turned off the attraction for a reason. Nearly 3 years after my divorce and thriving on my own, I am ready to meet someone. Letting go of the past is always a little bitter sweet, that’s why I call it Breakup Candy.

It Is Best To Celebrate The Sweet While You Let Go Of The Bitter

This guy lit up something in me that is flaming brightly without him. He distracted me from my ex completely. He taught me how to detach myself from the choices and behavior of others. He inspired me to nurture my own sexuality. He pushed the boundaries of pleasure and brought me new knowledge of my body. He “got” my desire to pursue my own life with no attachment. He was nothing but pure fun, until he wasn’t.

Are my choices right for anyone else? Who knows. Every woman is different. What I do know for sure is that I wish more women would speak out about sex and pleasure. Long term marrieds to never marrieds…how fun is sex for you? Why can’t we compare notes, share tips, have more fun in the bedroom? Why do we still whisper “sex” when we are talking about it?

Do you know 10 to 15% of women will never having an orgasm? WTF?

So I am thrilled to be having the best sex of my life as a single grandmother. Pleasure has been a major factor in my divorce recovery. I know my body and can turn on for myself. Why in the world wouldn’t I want to share that with other women who know something is missing?

I can’t wait to see the reactions I get from this post. I hope you find my story provocative. Thanks for allowing me to be vulnerable with you.