I Hired an Escort Last Night
How in the world did an ex-Catholic former Bible Study teacher end up hiring an escort as part of divorce recovery? What are the options for women who are not ready to be in a relationship?
I have been off and on several online dating sites during the nearly three years since my divorce. My ex scores high on the narcissistic scale and I am super grateful that all this time has gone by for me to just be Catherine.
He seemed kind, generous and genuinely curious about me
Well, a couple of weeks ago I ventured out once more into online dating. Once again, I met someone who turned out not to match his profile. Sometimes it is appearance. The man who shows up is 15 years older or 30 pounds heavier than his profile picture. This time it was attitude. He seemed kind, generous and genuinely curious about me. Can you hear a but coming?
The conversation took a turn into politics and he exploded. And this was just in text. When I told him I’d rather not talk politics, he went off on me telling me being that me being blind to what was going on was part of the problem. A long rant followed as I clicked the delete button.
I blocked him and once again pulled my profile down. Dating is dating is dating. I love and hate it. I love meeting the men, I do. However, I don’t want to jump into bed with a guy until I know him. I enjoy friends with benefits, I just like to know him as a friend first. The guys all hope the benefits come first so it makes for an interesting and somewhat frustrating time warp.
Looking back, I feel like I slept with my ex way too early. I see that now, clear as a f*cking bell. I felt electric chemistry and he seemed so different from the other men I had known. Gifts, dinners, getaways; turns out there is a term for that, “Love Bombing.” I was ripe and ready for the picking. Little did I know that electric chemistry was so deadly. Once I was hooked on the sex, I put up with steadily uglier behavior. (How To Recognize a Narcissist on The First Date, so you can save time!)
I started to watch a show called “Gigolos”
Recently I started to watch a show called “Gigolos” on the Showtime cable network. “Be prepared,” my friend told me, “You will see lots of sex and a lifestyle that will blow you away.” She was right. While this program is a reality TV show, the women featured set up a model for relating to men that I resonate with. 51% of the women in this country are single, that make for a lot of sexually unfulfilled women. I have a feeling there are thousands who say what the women who hire gigolos say:
I don’t have the time or inclination to be in a conventional relationship.
I know exactly what I want and need.
I love sex and pleasure and want all of the attention focused on me.
I work hard for my money and this is something I deserve.
I would rather pay a companion I can count on to pamper me whenever I want than to date hoping to find one.
Now me personally? I am exploring more sexual options than I even knew were out there since my divorce. I have no interest in marrying again though I adore men and sex. I am into sensual and erotic massage for personal pleasure and I also fly solo regularly to make sure my sexual energy is crackling. I enjoy friends with benefits though they can be complicated. (Did you know that Napoleon Hill dedicated a whole chapter to sex in Think and Grow Rich? Hmmm)
But, an escort?
Turns out that my first escort experience was exactly what I needed
While this man is a professional in another field and a good friend of mine, I never considered him an escort until we started talking about it. The more he heard about the Gigolos, the brighter the twinkle in his eye. “If you ever consider it,” He teased, “I’ll escort ya!”
At first I laughed, but then after that last online dating disaster tying to meet a guy who would pamper, pet and fondle my adorable self, I thought, why not? Here’s what happened:
We went out to dinner and strolled around the mall. I had a couple of delicious cocktails (cucumber martinis, how nutritious, right?) and holding him close in linked arms, drank in the experience. I felt safe and delicious. We window shopped and the feeling of his body next to mine as we walked was exactly what I miss in my life right now. Knowing he would not push for sex, or come on to me unless and until I invited him lit me up.
What I miss is everything else.
I was moved deeply by the deep sense of relief it was to stop watching my own back. I felt so physically at ease with his presence, the environment around me actually changed. In a strange way I felt like I was in a new place. I hadn’t realized how the constant alertness being a single woman in the world was weighing on me.
Luckily, I have plenty of orgasms. I love my body’s ability to have pleasure at my hand and in the hands of the right man. What I miss is everything else. Back at my place after dinner, we laid on my bed and talked and cuddled. He would have had sex with me had I wanted to. I loved knowing that. Maybe next time.
Last night though, when I laid down with my head on his chest listening to his heart beat, feeling his arms around me, knowing he wouldn’t push or force or ask me for anything I didn’t want was a gift, from me to me. We didn’t talk much after awhile. It has been a very long time since I’ve been with someone to hold me regularly.
I loved having an escort. He chit chatted with me at dinner. We laughed together and touched each others hands during dinner. He opened doors for me and I felt like a real princess for a night. I was completely relaxed knowing he had no expectation of me. I had a wonderful evening. I will hire him again.
Can you relate? I would love to hear your thoughts! Please leave a comment and sound in!