Animals Are Our Friends — ’til They Eat You

“Oh, you thought this was a game?” -Sarabi, 1st wife of King Mufasa

by Brentley V.

Recently I had a moment in which I realized that if I saw another link to the Harambe the gorilla incident I would scream. Not because I don’t think it isn’t newsworthy, but with every retweet it breathed more life into the animal lover extremists that somehow still feel there was a “better way to go about the situation.”

I’m not sure why some people believe animals are equal to humans. I mean it’s amazing, Jimmy Kimmel sat his whole entire grown ass on national television and cried actual tears for a lion that was poached some months ago. Where were the tears during the tense times we were having (and continue to have) in cities like Ferguson and places overseas? Funny how that works right?

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, I never thought that animal abuse was okay, but you can’t sit here and debate me in SOUND mind about whether or not someone should second guess saving a child immediately or going easy on a wild creature. I mean just the other day I was driving on a two lane street and a 4 foot iguana decides to sunbathe as traffic is moving. There was a car to my left and my right…

Did I A.) Swerve and narrowly miss hitting the other drivers or B.) Keep on rollin’ like my name was Proud Mary?

I’ll let you think on that.

I get it, animals should have rights and that’s fine. When it comes down to it if it’s not about living in poor conditions or the population being affected then I just don’t see how one could get so wrapped up and passionate about a justified killing like the one at the Bronx Zoo.

Furthermore, who the hell are these people who have full grown lions roaming around on their compounds?! Why isn’t PETA knocking at THEIR 24 karat gold doors?!

This brings me to my last point. Anyone can have an opinion on matters of animal rights I suppose, but where some people go very, VERY wrong is when they decide to invade a stranger’s personal space in the name of their love of the animal kingdom. As someone who’s self diagnosed herself as an acute megalomanic* I’ve always dreamt of the day I exit my fortier in stilettos and a floor length mink headed for some foreign vehicle that only runs on premium gas, I can tell you this much, the day PETA decides to flour bomb me or toss red paint on my hard earned ensemble, is the day I need bail money.

* megalomaniac — A person who suffers delusions of grandeur and their own importance.