What I learned in my 28th year on Earth

It’s my 28th birthday… and the past 12 months have taught me a lot

Today I turn 28. If you told me when I was 23 that I’d be turning 28 in what feels like no time at all, I would have laughed at you. “Forever in my early 20s!” is what I thought at the time.

It’s always been a good angle for me. That young, ambitious, adventurous entrepreneur, always willing to take risks and quit his job, armed with nothing but an excess of confidence and an undying flame of determination.

But now, I have to officially surrender that mantle. I’m 28 now, so I can’t argue it anymore… I’m officially in my late 20s. (At 27, I liked to still think of it as mid-20s). All that means is I can now assert myself not only with confidence, but wisdom gained over 28 full years of living on this planet.

This year I learned a lot… some new things, but some old lessons that came to the forefront. Some have been learned in the best of times, while some have been learned through challenging times. In all cases, each lesson has opened up a whole new world of possibilities for me.

So today, on my 28th birthday, I wanted to share the most important lessons I learned — and relearned — over the past 12 months.

1. A lot can happen in a year

Over the past 12 months I wrote and published a book that has helped entrepreneurs across the world and in nearly all 50 states, I launched one of the top business podcasts in the world, I created, launched, and filled the newest version of my flagship program (The Ultimate Profit Model), and raised the price of that program to $4K. In between all of that, I traveled to see friends and family all across the United States, including road tripping from Kentucky to Boston with my sister, spending time with my brother and sister-in-law in Washington DC, visiting Phoenix, Dallas, NYC, Miami, Cancun, and so many more amazing places, and made hundreds of new friends when I attended my first A-Fest event in Costa Rica.

All of that is to say… a TON can happen in a year. We like to overestimate what we can do in a day or a week, and underestimate what we can do in a year. You probably have no clue what’s going to happen over the next 12 months… I know I sure don’t!

2. Anything is possible

In the same vein, a lot can happen… and anything is possible.

I won’t go into too many specifics on this one, because understanding that anything is possible is more of a mindset shift than a tangible lesson. What I’ve learned is that once you accept the fact that anything is possible, anything then becomes possible.

There are two groups of people on this planet: those that believe we have a ceiling to our potential, and those that believe our abilities and potentials are boundless and ever-expanding. Guess which ones are changing the world…

“You are confined only by the walls you build yourself.”

3. It’s all part of the plan

The older I get, the more I realize that things don’t phase me as much anymore. Why? Because at my core level, I genuinely believe that everything is part of the plan.

What’s the plan? Quite frankly, I have no idea. But I know that everything that happens along the way is part of it. And that helps make me [relatively] fearless, and makes me realize that failure isn’t a thing. It’s all just part of the plan.

4. You can create your own reality

Maybe the coolest thing I learned over the past 12 months is that you can literally create your own reality. I talked about this in Episode 009 of the Wantrepreneur to Entrepreneur Podcast, but it’s best summed up by what Genevieve Davis wrote in her book Advanced Magic: A Course in Manifesting an Exceptional Life:

Let me ask you a question: Why do you believe the things you do? For most people, the answer is that they ‘believe what they see’, or that their beliefs come from their experience of life. I ask you to accept, at least on faith for now, that things are actually completely the other way around. Your experience of life comes from what you believe. Look around: our lives, by and large, accurately reflect the beliefs we hold. Beliefs create your world. You don’t believe what you see; you see what you believe.

5. Most people don’t care

C’mon, you didn’t think that all of my lessons over the past 12 months would be rainbows and butterflies, did you?

It’s easy when we’re young to believe that everyone is as excited as we are about the A that we got in school, or the new video game we got for Christmas, or for how excited we are about the fact that we can juggle a soccer ball ten times.

But the truth is… most people don’t care. And that doesn’t mean that people are inherently evil or negative… it just means that in a world of 7 billion people, we’ve got 7 billion different lives to live, 7 billion different goals and objectives, billions and billions of problems, etc.

Once you start to realize that most people don’t care because they’ve got their own lives to think about, you start to realize that you can make an enormous difference in this world… by caring about others.

By truly and genuinely — and deeply — caring for others, you’ll stand out… because most people just don’t have the time or energy to care.

6. You’re everything you need

I haven’t talked about this publicly at all, and I debated myself about including it in this article, but I ultimately decided that if I left out this pivotal and important lesson that I learned this year then I’d be doing a disservice to myself as well as you, the reader.

On a personal level, I became single for the first time since I was 24 years old. It felt weird coming out of a nearly four year relationship, as I had forgotten what being a single guy in his 20s felt like, but I once again learned the lesson that you really are everything you need.

It’s so funny for me to even say this, because there is hardly a second where I feel lonely in my life. I’m surrounded by a loving and supportive family and amazing friends who genuinely care about me. But, I’ll admit… it can also be easy to feel isolated and lonely when you’re single and in your late 20s — especially after investing years in building something deep with someone — but this year I was reminded once again that I am everything I need.

I don’t mean that to sound selfish, and I am grateful for everyone I have around me, but I’ve been reminded of the fact that I am complete. And I am enough. I don’t need someone to travel with… I can see the world in my own way. I don’t need someone to celebrate my successes with… I can create my own story and be as successful as I want to be. I don’t need anyone else’s approval — or permission — to be me. I don’t need anyone else’s approval — or permission — to do the things I want to do or try the things I want to try. I’m me, and that’s everything I need.

7. …but you can’t do it alone

And on that note, we’re human beings, and we crave — and need — connection. You’re everything you need, but at the same time you can’t quite do things alone.

This year I realized I was everything I needed to write a book. And start a podcast. But guess what… I couldn’t do it alone. Every book needs readers, and every podcast needs listeners. Last month messages of support poured in over Facebook and text messages from people congratulating me on my podcast becoming one of the top business podcasts in the world.

…but the truth is, I had nothing to do with it. Without fans, supporters, encouragers, raters, reviewers, and listeners, the podcast wouldn’t have done anything. It would have just been a collection of mp3 files of me talking to myself.

And this is way bigger than a podcast or a book. You are everything you need to do something, but it takes a support system and cheerleaders to make things happen. Realize who is a core part of your efforts, and celebrate and be thankful for them.

8. People who make you feel good are your biggest gifts in life

Clearly these lessons build upon themselves, because this one fits right in with the above. The older I get, the more I realize that we have a choice of who we surround ourselves with.

When you’re a kid, your social circles are determined for you. Your classmates and your neighbors are fixed. When you’re in college, you’re around your roommates, your floormates, your classmates, and your peers.

As you get older, though, people become much harder to make plans with. We all see each other less frequently. With this decreased frequency, it means we have to pick and choose who we spend our time with. I realized over the course of this year that some people just make me feel amazing and make me come alive. While others, well, don’t (for a variety of different reasons).

You don’t have to spend time with anyone. So find the people who make you feel good, because those people are honestly the biggest gifts in your life. Find people who light you up and bring out the best in you. I’ve been fortunate enough to find so many people who fulfill that role in my life, and I’m so thankful to have them to call on, to hang out with, to visit, and to interact with.

Finding these people is one of the biggest challenges in life, but taking the time to do it can make all the difference.

9. …and you have the ability to make other people feel good

We all want to be surrounded by people who make us feel good, so it’s also our duty to make others feel good.

This year — more so than any year of my life so far — I made a conscious decision to go out of my way to make other people feel good. And what I learned is that it’s really easy to make other people feel good. And in doing so, I feel good.

One thing I did a decent job at this year was sending people a quick message of support, or some simple words of encouragement, or even just a 30 second video message over text or Facebook to tell them how they’ve impacted my life.

It takes less than a minute out of your day, but it can make a world of difference to them. You never know who needs to be lifted up, and all of us are creatures of ego… we all love to be lifted up.

10. Figure out what you stand for… and then stand for those things

Maybe it’s because I’m stubborn or impatient, but this year in particular I was more adamant than ever about standing up for what I believe in. With age comes self awareness, and by this point in my life — especially considering my professional career/entrepreneurial journey — I know exactly what I stand for.

And I’m not afraid to stand for them.

In my early 20s I was always happy to quietly nod my head yes even when I disagreed with someone or something, because I didn’t want to rock the boat. I figured it doesn’t hurt to let other people have their stances, and me have mine.

But what I learned is that my stances mean nothing if I don’t actually stand for them. Yes, we can all have our own opinions and stances, but we need to stand for them for them to have any chance at making a difference in this world. Otherwise they’re just thoughts.

11. It’s your job to find the awesome in people

Above all else, the one thing that stood out to me over the past 12 months is how obsessed we all are at selling ourselves to each other. Within my entrepreneurial circles, everyone is obsessed with bragging about their revenue figures, customer base, traffic numbers, projected net profit, and so many more metrics.

Within my personal circles, I had my 5 year college reunion this year, and I noticed that so many people jump straight to “what do you do?” rather than learning about what a person really cares about and who they really are and what fascinates them.

Why? Because it’s easy to “measure up” people this way and define them by an arbitrary barometer of success.

I gave up on doing that over the past 12 months.

I have a friend (shout out to you, Katie!) who seemingly likes everyone she meets. I’ve never seen her meet someone and not find them awesome, even when I’ve been initially underwhelmed and unimpressed by them. But that’s when it hit me… I was looking to “measure them up” in some way that is arbitrary to my view of who they are as a person, whereas my friend always finds the awesome in people.

I’ve had so much more fun over the past 12 months finding the awesome in people. I don’t care about what they do, I don’t care about where they live, I don’t care about most things about them anymore. I care about what lights them up, and what makes them who they are.

Using this approach over the past 12 months, I’ve met more people who inspire me, who enlighten me, and who get me excited than ever before.

It’s no one’s job to “sell” themselves to you. Everyone is inherently awesome and amazing, and everyone has something that they can teach you (seriously). It’s not your job to measure them up on some random success barometer that you’ve created… it’s your job to find the awesome in them.

Meeting new people and building relationships becomes so much easier with this mindset.

12. Commitment is a daily task

This year — particularly over the past few months — I’ve gotten way better about eating better, exercising more regularly, and improving my work productivity (after all, I’m on the hook for three podcast episodes a week now, in addition to running my business!).

The only thing I’ve changed is my mindset surrounding commitment.

I’ve always been committed to everything I do. It’s the only reason I’ve been able to accomplish the things I have and build relationships with people the way that I have.

But now, I’ve reached a whole new level of commitment to the things that matter to me. The areas I’ve slipped up on in the past (particularly nutrition and exercise) are areas where I’m excelling of late, because I’ve extrapolated my commitment towards business to those areas as well.

And that commitment primarily revolves around the fact that commitment is a daily task. In business you have to wake up every day and re-commit to your projects, your goals, and getting stuff done.

Historically, I’ve been “committed” to eating better and exercising more, but it wasn’t a daily thought. Now I remind myself of my commitments every single day when I wake up. “Today I will exercise, today I will eat healthy, and today I will complete the tasks I need to in order to accomplish xyz.”

Commitment in all forms is a daily task. Whether it’s in a relationship, in business, in health, or anything… it’s a daily task. You need to wake up every day and remind yourself of what you care about… because the truth is, if you don’t care enough to recommit every single day of your life, then it’s not that important to you. And if it is, you better start committing.

13. Inject YOU into everything you do

Business-wise, there has been one major shift for me over the past 12 months: I’ve completely and unequivocally injected ME into everything I do.

In my younger years I was more obsessed with doing what the “gurus” were doing… I loved their graphics, I loved their photographs, I loved the way they dressed, I loved the way they spoke, I loved the way they sounded.

But now… I love just putting as much me into everything I do as possible.

What I’ve realized over the past 12 months is that there are thousands (and probably millions) of people who do exactly what I do. In fact, there are thousands of people who do what all of us do… there’s no way in a world of 7 billion people that we’re the only ones who do certain things.

But… there’s no one on this planet who can do things the way I can. Or the way you can.

I’m the only me here. And you’re the only you here. And that’s your differentiator. My friend John Di Lemme, one of the most sought-after motivational speakers in the world, told me last summer that “the only certification or qualifications you need is your birth certificate. That certifies that you’re awesome.”

Someone can steal my business model, steal my products (which they have), steal my words, etc… but they can never steal me.

When I sat down to write my book, so many people told me “well aren’t there already books about that?” Yep, there are. Plenty of them, too!

But no one has ever written a book about entrepreneurship the way I can. And similarly, I can’t write a book about entrepreneurship the way others can.

Whatever you want to do, do it your way… because no one has ever done it that way before.

14. “A rising tide lifts all boats”

I’ve always loved quotes, but this one has become one of the most influential in my life. I’ve always thrived on competition — primarily stemming from playing soccer competitively for most of my life — but now as a wiser and more mature entrepreneur and person, I realize that competition is great for some things, but on the whole, there is no such thing as competition.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of viewing other people as competitors. The truth is, life isn’t a zero sum game.

This year I’ve fully embraced, encouraged, and celebrated the successes of everyone around me… from family and friends to even random Facebook friends and people in my industry.

Why? Because a rising tide lifts all boats. If I’m surrounded by people who are doing well, succeeding, and accomplishing their dreams, that’s only good news for me… there’s room for all of us to succeed. When you start understanding that, you start realizing everyone around you lifting you up as well.

Encourage and celebrate others’ successes.

15. It’s not a question of time… it’s a question of motivation

I’m going to keep this one short, because my friend Greg Faxon said it best when we had a conversation with each other a couple of summers ago: “It’s not a question of time… it’s a question of motivation. If I offered you a million dollars, would you find the time?”

If you’d all of a sudden find the time for something if someone offered you a million dollars, then time isn’t the problem. If you really want something, you’ll find the time.

“Action expresses priorities.” -Gandhi

16. We do not see things as they are. We see things as we are.

This goes along with lesson #4 (you create your own reality), but it’s something that I remind myself of on a daily basis. This is the only explanation as to why two people can look at the same situation, conversation, debate, person, or anything and come to two totally different conclusions.

This year I embraced the fact that I see things as I am, so if I want to change the way things are, I have to change the way I am. Want to view your achievements over the past year as happy and successful? You need to be happy and find the success within you.

Want to stop getting frustrated and antsy in traffic? Don’t view it as a frustration or an inconvenience… view it as an excuse to rock out to some of your favorite tunes. (Yep, this was one of my big shifts this year… thanks, Spotify!)

Think everyone is pessimistic? Think everyone is rude? What would happen if you eliminated those beliefs and instead decided to see things in a more positive light? We see things as we are. Be polite and inviting yourself, and you’ll find that more people are polite and inviting towards you.

17. Focus will change your life

I view 27 as the year I did a lot of things that I never imagined doing. It was a big year for me personally and professionally.

One of the only reasons why is because I focused. I threw out pretty much everything other than what I wanted to focus on. I resisted the urge to say “yes” to things, because I know that every “yes” comes with a “no” to something else.

So this past year I said yes to the things that mattered to me, and didn’t feel the need — or even the urge — to say yes to things other people told me I “should” do.

I didn’t chase shiny new business strategies, or new tools, or new networking groups, or new masterminds, or events, or conferences, or anything else. I decided what I was going to do, and I focused on those things exclusively.

I ignored all of the latest trends in business, I ignored all of the latest softwares, I didn’t spend my time getting a new logo or a new website, and I just focused. And that’s made all the difference. And that’s why I’m going to do HUGE things this coming year… watch this space!

18. …and patience will allow it to

With all of that said, focus doesn’t yield immediate results. I always like to say focus is the scarcest resource we have (besides time), but patience — or a lack thereof — is the number one reason why most people quit before they succeed.

It’s easy — and tempting — to bounce from idea and idea or strategy to strategy, especially when launching or growing a business. Maybe I’m more patient than I ever have been, or maybe I just understand this concept after working with thousands of entrepreneurs over the past year, but now I am happy to put the time and effort in, knowing that others will quit long before they succeed, leaving a massive gap for me to succeed in.

Without patience, all the focus in the world won’t yield results. Amazing things take time, and in most cases you need to trudge through the mediocre to get to the great. Most people just aren’t patient enough, so they miss out on the great.

19. When you’re open to love, other people’s success is your success

On a personal level, the biggest area of maturity I’ve experienced over the past 12 months has been opening my heart up to love. As a guy, I’ve always laughed at the feminine notion of saying “I love you” to all of your friends and throwing around that word to a bunch of people.

But now, I understand why. Love is abundant. We can love more than just our family and our partners. We can love our friends. We can love humanity in general. After all, we all deserve, want, and have the ability to give love.

And when you decide to start loving people, their success starts to feel like your success. Between the two communities of entrepreneurs that I’m involved in, I’ve been surrounded by hundreds of super successful, super loving people who legitimately love their fellow humans and cheer for their success.

They’ve set a great example, and this year I followed that example more than ever before. I’ve embraced love more, and it’s enabled me to really feel other people’s success on a really deep level.

Now I genuinely celebrate my friends’ successes… not just in a congratulatory and supportive way, but in a way where because I care for them, I get almost as much joy in their successes as they do. And vice versa.

And that feels amazing.

Shared joy is double joy. Shared sorrow is half sorrow.

20. Most things in life are a choice

By this point you’ve probably noticed that most of my lessons over the past 12 months have been mindset-related. I’ve been searching for the “secret” to success for a long time, and this year I realized that mindset is behind 99% of it.

And on that note, I’ve realized that most things in life are a choice. The most powerful thing we have is the power to make decisions. We can decide how we feel, we can decide what we think, and we can decide how to respond to life’s events.

People always comment on the fact that I smile and laugh all the time. And I’ve never understood it. But now I get it… I’ve subconsciously just made the decision to be happy all the time.

In September I appeared on the Ed Tyll Show, a nationally-syndicated radio show. Halfway through the interview, Ed asked me “Brian, have you always been a good speaker?”

The real answer is “probably not.” I learned how to speak just like everyone else. But in that moment, I only had one answer to Ed: “I guess I just decided to be a good speaker.”

Most things in life are a choice. You can choose to stand on the sidelines and not chase your dreams because of some made-up excuses in your head. You can choose to let failure scare you. You can choose to let people hurt your feelings or bring you down. You can choose to tell yourself you’re not enough.

Or you can choose to succeed. And choose to be happy. And choose to love people. And choose to be loved. And choose to be you.

And no one can ever take that away from you… you have the power of choice.

21. Your impact is far greater than you’ll ever be able to measure

I’ll keep this one short as well, because it’s something that none of us will ever truly comprehend, but this year gave me insight into just how true it is.

Much of my learnings on this one this year came from the launch of my book and my podcast, but even outside of work, every once in a while I received a message or text from someone letting me know that something small I did or said impacted them. It’s humbling, and it feeds me to keep going and keep doing my best and giving to people as much as possible.

A few weeks ago I received an email from a girl in Germany who has been listening to my podcast. I hopped on a Skype call with her, and she told me all about the business she’s always wanted to start and how my podcast has helped her. Little things like this are so touching, and the fact of the matter is that all of us impact people in ways that we’ll never be able to imagine.

I know this is true for me as well, as there are people far and wide whose posts on Facebook touch me, impact me, and inspire me… and they’ll never know. (Although, as learned in lesson #9, I’m trying to do a better job of reaching out and making their day by letting them know!)

22. There’s power in not caring

A lot of what I learned this year revolves around genuinely caring for other people, but perhaps one of the most freeing lessons I learned is that there is power in not caring. And when I say that, I specifically refer to not caring about the result.

A lot of people offer the advice of becoming “detached from the result,” and I finally know what that means. (It only took me 28 years!)

In years past, I have hesitated doing new things or launching new projects because I was attached to the result. What if no one cares? What if no one buys? What if no one listens? What if no one reads?

Who cares.

Over the past 12 months I’ve become so detached from the results that I’ve been willing — and eager — to just “go for it”… whatever “it” is at the time.

I could have fretted about the podcast and spent all of Q4 putting together a launch plan to maximize its chances of success. But I didn’t, because to be quite honest, I stopped caring about how it did… I wanted to launch a podcast that could impact people, so I did.

I don’t know if anyone will ever read this post, but I don’t care. The process of writing it and the lessons I learned will stick with me, so I’m detached from the result (how many people read it).

I feel free.

23. The world is crying out for leaders

This political season has made this clearer than ever before, but in general the world is crying out for leaders. I’ve been reminded of this constantly over the past 12 months, and the realization has allowed me to step into an even bigger role in my students’ lives.

The truth is, we’re all capable of accomplishing whatever we want. But in many cases, we prefer to follow. If you can step into the role of a leader among your friends, peers, audience, customers, etc., they’ll follow… because we’re crying out for good, honest, passionate leaders who care about us.

Having thousands of entrepreneurs going through my paid programs and courses has forced me to embrace my leadership role in their lives, and while at times it’s a daunting task knowing that people have invested money into me to help them change their lives, I’ve realized that I can either shrink from that responsibility or step up to it.

That gives me purpose, and makes me want to be better every single day.

Be a leader… we’re all looking for someone good and honest to follow.

24. Everybody is just another normal person

This is one of my favorite lessons, because it’s followed me through my 28 years of life, but came to a heated and passionate forefront this year.

I met up with a friend in Boston over the winter, and he brought a few of his friends. At one point the topic of entrepreneurship came up, and my friend’s friend started getting heated and angry about my view that anyone can become a success and change their life through entrepreneurship.

“Entrepreneurs are privileged and lucky people who had things handed to them! Rich people have the advantage… the system is rigged,” he argued.

I couldn’t possibly disagree any more. Ever since I was a kid, I used to gawk at crazy nice cars or massive houses. Whenever my mom caught me doing that, she always said the exact same thing, without fail…

“Brian, just think… that’s a normal person that [drives that car, lives in that house, etc.],” she’s told me thousands of times.

It’s just a normal person.

Think about the difference in mindset between that and my friend’s friend. My friend’s friend believes that it’s an exclusive group of lucky, privileged people who experience true success. Meanwhile, I’ve been taught that it’s just normal people… so why not me?

I’ve always taken the lesson for granted, but this year I received a strong reminder… and I’m so thankful for that.

25. Failure doesn’t exist

I first learned this lesson in 2013, but over the past 12 months I’ve re-learned it. When I speak to entrepreneurs and wantrepreneurs, they always seem to ask about one thing: failure.

The more I talk about “failure” with people, the more I’m reminded that it doesn’t really exist at all.

I hosted a lot of webinars this year. And had a lot of launches. And a lot of ad campaigns and marketing pushes. Did all of them work? Nope. Did any of them fail? Nope.

Because failure isn’t real. The only real way to “fail” is to quit… otherwise you get to keep fighting and keep living another day. There’s no such thing as a business “failing”… people quit.

I genuinely don’t believe I can “fail” at anything… unless I decide to quit. That’s what gives me strength and confidence to do new things, create new things, launch new things, and be as much of a success as I want to be. I’m not afraid of failing.

26. Most people quit, and that’s great news

With all of that said about failure, the truth is that most people quit… and that’s great. Seth Godin explains this notion the best, as he calls the stuff that makes us want to quit “the dip.” Here’s what he says about the dip:

If you haven’t already realized it, the Dip is the secret to your success. The people who set out to make it through the Dip — the people who invest the time and the energy and the effort to power through the Dip — those are the ones who become the best in the world. They are breaking the system because, instead of moving on to the next thing, instead of doing slightly above average and settling for what they’ve got, they embrace the challenge. For whatever reason, they refuse to abandon the quest and they push through the Dip all the way to the next level.

And here’s a video I made about people quitting and why that’s great news for me, and for you:

27. We’re all amazing at staying busy

We are all seriously amazing at staying busy. But the truth is… most of what we spend our time on won’t ever get us any results at all.

When we want to lose weight, we spend our time researching diet plans and workout plans. When we want to grow a business, we spend our time creating business cards and fancy new websites. When we want to see someone, we spend time coming up with all of these grand plans we can do with them.

But then, more often than not, we don’t actually take the actions that will get us results.

Do you want to lose weight? Go run a mile and eat better. Want to grow a business? Sell your product or service to someone and get paid. Want to build a relationship with someone? Go see them.

That’s the difference between motion and action. Motion makes us feel busy, and makes us think we’re working towards our goals, but those activities in and of themselves will never get us the results. Action, on the other hand, consists of the actual actions that will yield the results.

Over the past 12 months I’ve focused on my own motion vs. action activities, as well as those of my students, and it’s helped me produce more and procrastinate less. On top of that, I haven’t felt as busy, so it’s enabled me to spend more time doing the things I actually want to do.

28. You don’t need to have it all figured out

Above all else… I learned this year that you don’t need to have it all figured out. I had no clue what was going to happen over the past 12 months. And what’s even more scary is that I have no clue what’s going to happen over the next 12 months.

Nor do I need to. I know what I stand for, I know what I’m working towards, and I know that whatever happens along the way is all part of the plan.

Today, I’m 28, and I have no idea what tomorrow brings. And that’s scary. And exciting.

Here’s to the best year ever!