I’M FUCKING LEAVING FACEBOOK

Brianna Snyder
Nov 3, 2017 · 2 min read
ONE OF THE MANY THINGS I USED TO ENJOY ON FACEBOOK.

I just fucking deactivated Facebook. I’m literally shaking.

I’ve checked that stupid site at least 40 times every goddamn day of my ridiculous grownup life. I’ve posted so much embarrassing shit there, so many fat photos and slightly less-fat photos and drunk photos and drug photos and even marriage photos.

I guess I did it for political reasons but I know, too, that enough of the tide has turned on Facebook to feel comfortable jumping out of it. That’s how I operate, I guess. Popular opinion starts to shift and suddenly I’m like “Huh, maybe I want purple hair, too?” about 40 years late. Hey guess what I also get all my latest fashions at J.C. Penney. That’s not a fucking joke I fucking love the J.C. Penney plus-size section.

What will adulthood even look like without Facebook? My life has centered on that platform for a dangerously long and intense period of time. I feel like I’ve just shut my mother out of my life. Facebook was my mommy.

Whatever is happening to the digital world is scaring and devastating me even more than the heating oceans and itchy nuclear-trigger fingers of the real world around me. The Internet might just as easily destroy me as Donald fucking Fuckface himself. For however long I’ve poured my heart and support and devotion into this realm, what it’s given me back is cynicism, rage, unreality, and terrorism.

I am terrorized.

The only way for this world to get better is for everyone to leap out of it together, I think. Or boycott the shit out of it until the live videos aren’t broadcasting domestic homicide, until the ads aren’t bought in secret by Russian political saboteurs, until Andy fucking Borowitz is buried with Empire News in a fucking shitbox till the dinosaurs come back.

To my fat-support groups, I’ll miss you. To my wedding photos, I’ll miss you. To the videos of my friends’ kids, I’ll miss you. Liz Theis’s posts, I’ll miss you. Celebrities who accepted my friendship before they knew they didn’t have to, I’ll miss you. Procrastination device, I’ll miss you most of all.

But seriously fuck off forever until a fucking woman is president of this undeserving penis country and Barry Blitt is permanently unemployed.

Brianna Snyder

Written by

stress stinks, Arrid works | briannasnyder@gmail.com

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