How Living in a Dark Flat Made Me Go Bonkers

A Roller Coaster Through Seasonal Affective Disorder Sprinkled with Anxiety

TAG! You’re SAD!

Ah, it’s summer… let’s talk about bad weather and lack of light. It’s more relevant, than you think. I won’t talk about how good is vitamin D for you or what are the benefits of sizzling in the sun. This is more of a personal story about how I went bonkers in a dark flat and my tips how you can avoid it.

During the summer, people omit what it was like living with almost no sunlight. Cloudy, Rainy, Stormy and all the other dwarfs of Bad Mood are off on a vacation. You forget them just like who or what is Santa. I’m here to remind you and make you appreciate more what you have right now.

Well, feeling bad about grim weather is conveniently called SAD. No, really, it’s Seasonal Affective Disorder. People can call “a disorder” almost everything these days. You can even suffer from chronically late disorder. But this is serious.

Back to the no-sunlight-thing. With the seasons aside — there are several types of people, who have no sunshine in their lives. Here are the main two:

• Those, who think the sun is so bad, you’ll get cancer just peeking outside.
• Those, who have to stay inside during the day, because they’re working, studieng, etc.

The thing is — if you don’t go out in the sun you’ll most probably get vitamin D deficiency, low levels of serotonin and overall — you’ll get SAD. It messes up your inner perception of night and day. This is a very common problem in the Northern countries, but it can be traced all over the world. Have you seen the statistics?

Child Without Problems ≠ Adult Without Childish Problems

I was a child, who loved winter. The cold didn’t bother me, nor the wind, nor the clouds or lack of sun. I found it enchanting and perfect time to read fairy tales and drink cocoa.

My family’s flat was lightened up from sunrise to sunset, even during the colder seasons. I was never concerned if I had enough light in my room. It never crossed my mind how important was this for my happiness.

Clocks tick, seasons change, time passed and the bird had to leave the nest. People change when they go to college. So I grew up to be a cuckoo, I guess.

Those Times were Offbeat

It all started when one October I moved to study in another city. I had two (male) flatmates, which were my cousins. Everybody had their own space and one common room. So good, so far, but then series of events happened, which, I think, triggered something in me.

One day, very soon after I moved in, somebody rang on the door. There was an old lady, who lived on our floor, on the other side. She was around ninety, I think, and lived alone. Asked if she could borrow glue, because she’s broken something and wanted to fix it. She actually wanted me to put some glue on her finger, but I gave her the whole tube, because that’s just plain weird.

The day after I saw some people at her door. I thought those were guests. Nope. Nursing people. I asked for my glue back. They panicked so much when I told them what happened. They said she doesn’t know what she’s doing and they were shocked by that she even got out of her flat. Then rambled on about how she can get aggressive if she gets lost.

The Going Bonkers Part

Everybody has weird days and I thought it was just that. It wasn’t. I carried the uncanny feeling with me at night, then during the other day, and other week… And after a while I realized I’m in the middle of winter with a crazy lady next door and flatmates, who don’t lock the doors at night. Or ever.

She screamed sometimes. She called her dead husband, then other people, who weren't there. Then started to throw a variety of objects to the walls.

I wasn't used to this and got super scared. This anxiousness held me for a very long time. Everybody got over it quickly, not me. Not this time.

Things got out of hand. I just couldn't stay alone at home. Once, I didn't go to the kitchen for 5 hours, because I had to cross the Big Dark Hall. Where the scary lady will be and will claw my eyes out. Not funny at all.

I got angry with myself – how couldn't I do it?! How old am I?! Is this a second childhood?! This isn't funny! But it wasn't until I moved out of this wretched place, when I understood what exactly has happened.

What seemed like paranoia (schizophrenia?) wasn't exactly that. I got SAD.

What Triggered It?

If I can describe our flat with one word, it's ambiguous. My first impression was we lived in a night club, in an endless wait for the cabaret singer to show up. The people, I lived with, smoked inside, so this was an addition to the whole scenery. I hope this gives you a brief idea how much light got in. I'll tell you - none. No sunlight. And the buildings around us were so tall, they blocked every last beam.

A bummer, but not a big deal, right? Maybe for some people. But spend a lot of time at home in these conditions and see what happens. What were the clues this was the whole problem? When I got outside everything seemed better. When I was around people no signs of it were seen. I used to love staying alone.

Once triggered, the seasonal affective disorder is very hard to get over. But it is possible to be treated.

How Can You Dodge the Seasonal Affected Insanity?

First of all – don't reach to drugs too soon. I meant prescription drugs, duh. The other drugs not only won't help you, and they can make you more paranoid than ever. So, with this out of the way let's carry on.

Light therapy is proven to help 85% of the people with Seasonal Affective Disorder. You can just go outside for at least 10-15 minutes a day. Your eyes and skin have to catch it (don't stare directly into the sun, silly).

Cleanliness. If you live with smokers it's more than advisable to clean your windows and curtains often. Can you imagine the damage this does to the whole flat?

Lighter walls = lighter soul. If you're prone to depression of any kind, it's desirable to choose white or any kind of bright colour for your room. Never choose a dark fancy flat or house over a light “boring” one. Most likely you will regret it.

Those worked for me. I'm so glad it's all in my past.

May the Sun be with you.