Here’s you’re fucking apology.

I’ll never be perfect when I look in the mirror. I will always see this girl who had been used, criticized and even beaten. But I also see the girl who made herself that way. Always looking for a way to fill a void that her mother has created since she was young. I put myself in situations that I shouldn’t be in. From the first time I was taken advantage of, to the first time I felt the cold metal part my smoothed skin. The scars remind me of times that I was just looking to feel something again. Even with the rope that left marks on my neck, no one even noticed. I realized that I keep doing this shit. I should have erased that number when I left the last time. I should have blocked it. I should have just deleted the damn texts. Maybe it would have been easier. Maybe I wouldn’t be on here at 12 AM reading the shit that’s posted on here or on snap chat. I’m stupid for ever thinking that I could put myself in a dangerous situation and not come out with both parties being hurt. I never meant for this to happen. All I wanted was closure and what I got was…. Regret. I regret making that account. I regret talking to you. I regret falling, loving, crying, begging, thinking, and ultimately… killing. If I wouldn’t have gone on and met you, I wouldn’t have been your rebound and made things so damn hard to the point where you had to leave so you wouldn’t hurt me. But yet, when i try to do that exact same thing, im called selfish. So for that, I will apologize. I am a fucked up person, but most of us are. I’m not “innocent” I never said I was. And as for my offspring, she will be brought up by me, myself, and I. I will teach her to never be like me. I will be a lesson for her. I will give her all my strength that I used to have. I will be sure she will never be in this situation. I will also teach her that “moving on” can be from a relationship OR from someone close to you passing away. And when you “have to left them go or it hurts them more” means that the soul can’t be put to rest. At least she will understand that much.
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