Numb

I run everyday but I couldn’t bring myself to run up those stairs, until tonight. I took my time. Step by step I get close to the top. But what will I actually do? What will I feel? What will I remember? I stop a few steps away from the very top. I don’t dare turn around. I slowly walk through the trail I haven’t seen in years. I stop and look around. It all looks the same. Nothing but dirt and hills. I expected to feel nothing. Which is my minds normal reaction to this situation, but I felt it all. Every angry work I wanted to say, every year I wanted to shed, every lie I believed. I sit on the edge of the hill, my feet dangling over a small hole made by a fallen tree. I look over the city, the lights of store signs and cars on the freeway reflect off the windows of the houses above. I stay but a minute until it sets in. The last time I was here, I became numb. I didn’t care about anything… I didn’t want to. Not anymore. I thought I was done, but the tear that escapes the side of my eye tells me differently. I may not be numb anymore, but at least I know I have a place to go when I need to calm down. I get up, dust off my already dirty shoes, and stand there. I wrote down his name on a price of paper before I started running. As I crumble the paper, I wipe my tears that have been welling up, and I throw it. As It falls out of my sight, I breath in, say goodbye, and walk away. As I walk down the hill to my home, a man passes me. Without asking me a thing, he pulls out a tissue, hands it to me, and says “It hurts like hell to let go of someone, but sometimes it hurts them more when you hold on.” At that moment I broke down. But I take a breath, thank the man, a d keep walking. Because he’s right...
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