For Scott (An Open Letter)


What can I say? I can’t believe you’re gone. It hurts, and it makes me numb to recall my memories of you. We’d lost touch over the last few years, and I’m pained that was so. Honestly I cherish the times we had in our younger years. Whether it be our time in Scouting together, camping, sitting around the campfire, having fun. Or just hanging out around town, be it at the county fair, working with you and your dad in the music booth under the grandstand, or going to German Club gatherings, among others.

Left: German Club Valentine’s Day Party, circa February 2008. From L to R: Scott, Sam Schmitt, and Andrew Frank. Right: MVSR Summer Camp 2004 (Theme Wilderness Adventure) From L to R: R.J. Feller, Cody Kirker, Scott (standing), Garth Ott, and Denver Kirker (no relation).

I’ll always hold you in my mind as the bright and cheerful young man, who was curious, and in the same way, insightful and funny. I still can’t believe you’re gone. I’m practically dazed mentally of the thought. I never in my life thought I’d be writing something like this about you. It just continues to show we are all human, no matter how much we project one another otherwise.

Left: A Scouting Court of Honor circa 2005. Luke Feldner, Scott, R.J. Feller and their parents. Right: MVSR Summer Camp 2004 (Theme Wilderness Adventure) From L to R: Cody Kirker, Luke Feldner, R.J. Feller, Michael Dile, Scott (standing), Kevin Lepley.

So, now we’re left with your memory, and our tears. Tears of sadness, but tears that show you were loved. For to be sad, we first need to have known happy times. Without fail we had happier times in your illuminating presence. (I mean dang, how bright was that blonde hair of yours!?) Rest well my old friend. We’ll see you, and understand a little farther along. Peace and love brother.

(Above): A Scouting Court of Honor circa March 2005. Left: Myself standing on the left, and Scott (being handed something) standing to the right. Right: My brother Cody, and Scott waiting for a rank advancement.

Wes, Ann, Emily, and Jenny, I can’t even hardly imagine the pain, grief, and mental/spiritual isolation you must be going through. I imagine Scott was an amazing son, brother, grandson, nephew, and more. Just know my thoughts are with you, what little comfort, if any, they may be. I’m not much of a prayerful person, but prayers are offered as well. Scott’s life touched multitudes including me. His memory will continue to do so more than we can now know. He won’t be forgotten. I won’t forget him!

Farther along we’ll know all about it
Farther along we’ll understand why
So cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine
We’ll understand this, all by and by
-Josh Garrels

May you all be showered with peace and love.

Be well,


MVSR Summer Camp 2005 (Theme: Tropical Island Quest) From L to R: Michael Moore, Jared Young, Scott, Cody Kirker (kneeling), Luke Feldner (in Green), Michael Dile (behind Luke), Jordan Bresciani, Travis Soules. (in the mask), R.J. Feller, Jacob Bresciani. (behind R.J.), Kevin Lepley, Garth Ott, Derek Kirker (no relation), and Myself.

I created a Spotify playlist in Scott’s memory if anyone cares to listen. The content and lineup may change.

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