Guilt and Lemonade

I don’t like all the choices I have made in my sixteen years of life and I’m sure there will be more to come that I will regret. I don’t love every part of myself and I’m sure they will change so that there are different parts that I dislike. I have doubts about myself as well as those around me and I know they will never truly disappear. I hate the standards of perfection yet I still aim to please them. Unfortunately, these aren’t my regrets, nor are they my insecurities, nor are they my doubts or standards. They belong to society. We blame a lot on society which we are all a part of which makes every single one of us accountable for our actions to better this utterly disgusting society that we all refer to. I don’t want to feel guilty and I don’t want to hate myself and I don’t want to have doubts and I don’t want to strive for the unattainable. So, I’m not going to. I won’t let them win.

I was taking the long walk home from work today because I needed the time to think and because the community centre I work at was so freezing cold that I was chilled to the bone even after being in the 40 degree heat for a good ten minutes. I decided since I was close to being home I would take the shorter of the two roads when faced with a decision unitl I saw a sign for a lemonade stand. Needless to say, I wasn’t cold anymore and was in need of a refreshing beverage. I recieved much more than just lemonade. I took the longer of the two routes so I could reach the lemonade stand and as I approched, I watched the three girls anticipate my arrival by organizing the stand and getting their cash register ready. They offered me strawberry lemonade that was being made or the lemon lemonade that was already ready. I pondered which would be better and I decided I would wait for the strawberry so I could find out why these girls were running a lemonade stand in the first place. I asked and was deeply moved but also saddened by their response. Their friend, Max, let go of the leash while walking his dog by accident and watched his dog, Spots, get run over by a car. I didn’t know what to say because the response I was expecting was to buy toys. Because I didn’t answer right away trying to digest what the girl had said, the other girl continued to tell me that they were raising money so they could buy him a new puppy. Their parents were going to match whatever they raised. They told me that Max felt very sad because he felt as though he killed his puppy with his own bare hands and was suffering an extreme amount of guilt. All he wanted was another chance to prove he wasn’t a bad person. He said he wanted to be forgiven for his actions. He said he wanted to feel free. The strawberry lemonade came out and I paid $2.50 for my cup simply because that was the only cash I had on me. They thanked me multiple times and asked what I thought the puppy should be named, “Free”.

I felt refreshed walking away from the lemonade stand knowing there is still hope for society and for me with any doubts or regrets or insecurities that I have. We are all free from our thoughts and emotions if we let ourselves.

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