Permanent Damage

بشرى
بشرى
Jul 24, 2017 · 1 min read

Everyone says your thoughts at night are your worst enemy, not in my case though. Every single thought that passes through my head, at any give time, seems like its out to get me. Ever since you took my sanity away, like it was nothing but another souvnier on your busy shelf. I was just another souvnier, in your busy life. Was I even something you want to remember?

I guess it doesnt matter.

What matters is now, but only because you love the present tense so much.

Now, I cant filter the hurt out of the music I love.

Now, I cant seem to feel like im worthy of kindness..

Now, I feel like a commodity.

I feel less.

Less than I even started with, even though I never felt like I was much at all.

Now, it feels like everything is tentative, and transient, because I dont deserve permanence.

Now, my self esteem is in shambles, ever since you pushed on its cracked surface.

Now, Im anxious

And anxious..

It never stops.

Now, happiness scares me…

And love scares me..

And attachment, scares the hell out of me.

You call it self pity, I think its self awarness.

Will it ever settle?

Or were you just here to show me what permanent damage looks like?

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